Barbara Pachter's Blog: Pachter's Pointers

Business Cards in a Social Media World

2012-01-19T08:48:00.000-08:00

I recently gave my new business card to a potential client. She was impressed that my Facebook address (www.facebook.com/pachtertraining) was on my card, as she had seen few cards that provided that information. You can see the card at the end of the blog.

Business cards tell people what you do and provide a way for them to contact you. Because social media has changed the way we connect with our customers, clients, colleagues and employers, your card may need to include additional information – such as your addresses for Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or your blog. You will have to decide how much to include, and how to do so without overloading your card.

To help you make a decision, you can ask yourself these questions:

1. Have I included the necessary information? Think about the majority of your potential clients and customers, and include on the card the information they will need. This usually means your name, your title, company name/logo, address, phone number, and email and web addresses.

2. What can I eliminate? Is the information on the card easy to read? Make sure your card is visually appealing. Can you eliminate your fax number? Do you need both your business and cell phone numbers? If you have a lot to include, use the back for the less-essential information.

3. Which social media addresses do I use for business? Include the social media addresses that help you stay in contact with your customers, clients, etc. If adding all your new links overwhelms the card, place them on the back. When you hand your card to someone, you can point this out by saying, “If you want to connect with me by social media, my addresses are on the back.”

4. Should I include a quick response (QR) code? These are bar codes that can be scanned by Smartphones to provide a link to your websites or LinkedIn profile. This suggestion was discussed in an article for job seekers on CareerBuilder.com. If you include a QR code, place it on the back of the card.

5. Is a photograph necessary? Most corporate cards do not include photographs, but you may want to include a photograph if you use your card for marketing purposes. Speakers will often have photographs of themselves on their cards.

Information on giving out your cards can be found in my book When The Little Things Count…And They Always Count.

Look Good! Social Media Guidelines for Photographs

2012-01-09T05:40:00.000-08:00

I couldn’t make out his face.
She looks completely different from her photo.
I couldn’t believe she had sunglasses on her head!

The above comments were made about photographs on LinkedIn. Unfortunately, many businesspeople have posted photographs of themselves on LinkedIn, and other sites, that detract from their professionalism.

Your image is conveyed through your photograph, and it’s part of the first impression you make on others. According to Krista Canfield, a LinkedIn senior manager, “Folks who have a photo are seven times more likely to have their profile viewed in general than folks who don’t have a photo.”

You want to post a photograph that is professionally appropriate. You want to look like a credible, approachable person, not like you just came from the beach.

I mentioned the need for posting appropriate photographs in my recent article on BlogHer: Social Networking Etiquette in the Facebook Age. Since in another life I was a professional photographer – the first woman photographer at what was then one of the largest ten newspapers in the country – I offer the following as my recommended photo guidelines:

1. Post a good headshot. This type of photograph highlights your head/face, but often shows your shoulders and part of your chest. Check your current or any future photos against these characteristics for an effective headshot. Make sure that:

--You have chosen a photo that flatters you. Sounds obvious, but people don’t always pay attention to their choice. I am not suggesting a glamour shot, but you should look like a competent professional in the photograph.

--You are in front of a clear, uncluttered background that is well lit. There shouldn't be any dark shadows obscuring your face. People must be able to see you clearly.

--Your face is in focus. The background can be slightly out of focus, but your features need to be sharp, not blurred.

--You have worn appropriate professional or business-casual attire. Appear as you usually would in a business situation. This may also mean that you are freshly shaven, or wearing make-up and jewelry.

--You are looking at the camera and your head is straight. Women have a tendency to tilt their heads. Why? I don’t know. But I do believe they look less self-assured when they do.

--You have a pleasant facial expression. If you are frowning or scowling, why would I want to hire or work with you?

--You look like your photograph. If your photo is more than 8-10 years old, people may be very surprised when they meet you. If you had long hair in your photo and now have short hair, people may not recognize you.

2. Use an environmental portrait, when appropriate. This type of photo places you in a setting that relates to your profession. This is generally a wider shot and your face is a smaller part of the photograph. These pictures are often used as additional photos on a website, and are not recommended for headshot postings. My good friend and garden writer Denise Cowie has a great portrait in a garden on her Facebook page.

3. Hire a professional photographer. If all of this seems overwhelming, hire someone who takes photos for a living. It’s worth the investment.

7 Regifting Guidelines for the Holidays

2011-12-13T10:14:00.000-08:00

I was really pleased that the decorator for the office gave us a plant –until I found a note under one of the leaves that indicated the plant had originally been given to her.

Ouch. Is it okay to regift?

In today’s economy, regifting can be sound fiscal policy. Why let a perfectly good plant or fruitcake go to waste? Yet, how you regift is important. You always want the receiver of the gift to feel valued.

Here are 7 guidelines for refined regifting:

1. Make sure the gift is appropriate. Don’t just regift to get rid of the item. Give a gift that the person will like, use and enjoy.

2. Don’t leave incriminating evidence on the gift. You don’t want to damage your relationship with the person. Check the item carefully and remove any indication that you were given the gift previously.

3. Don’t regift the giver’s gift. “Oh, that looks familiar” is not what you want to hear when the person opens your gift! Keep a list of the gifts you have received and the gifts you have given.

4. Make sure the gift is in good condition. Check the item carefully and inspect the expiration date of food items. You may need to rewrap the gift, but don’t use boxes that indicate the gift came from a specific store—when it didn’t.

5. Be careful regifting items that the recipient may want to exchange, unless you have the gift receipt. The receiver of the gift may ask you where you purchased the item in order to exchange it for a different size or color.

6. Tell the person it’s a regift, if the gift is really special for the person. A colleague regifted tickets to a concert that were her best customer’s favorite band. She told him that she knew he would enjoy the show more. The customer was thrilled.

7. Be polite. If you receive a gift that you know is a regift, you still say “thank you.” And if the item isn’t for you, follow the above regift guidelines.

Additional holiday guidelines can be found in my book When The Little Things Count …And They Always Count.

The Etiquette of Talking TO Your Phone

2011-12-05T11:33:00.000-08:00

“…the etiquette of talking to a phone – more precisely, to a ‘virtual assistant’ like Apple's Siri in the new iPhone 4S – has not yet evolved."*

The above quote from Nick Wingfield’s recent article in The New York Times was a wake-up call to everyone who uses a smart phone.

When my book The Jerk With the Cell Phone (Marlowe & Company) was published almost eight years ago, etiquette guidelines for talking TO your phone were not relevant. Because of advances in technology, however, guidelines are needed today to help people talk politely to their phones in public.

Before I wrote this blog, I asked Siri for her opinion on the topic. My question was: “What are the etiquette suggestions for talking to your phone?” Alas, she didn’t have an answer and referred me to the web.

Here are my 6 suggestions for Talking TO Your Phone Politely:

Be considerate of others. This is the main etiquette suggestion, and, of course, it is applicable to all types of phones. Your use of the phone should never disturb others.

Don’t keep trying. If Siri doesn’t understand your request, try alternative wording. After two or three attempts, use the web. You don’t want to seem like a Sheldon from the television show The Big Bang Theory. (When Sheldon wants to speak with his neighbor, Penny, he has the annoying habit of persistently knocking on her door while repeating her name until she answers the door.)

Don’t yell. Use a quiet, conversational voice. Barking commands to a phone in public is annoying to others.

Respect quiet zones. If talking on your phone is not allowed, neither is talking to your phone.

Be aware of your surroundings. You never know who is listening. People eavesdrop. Don’t ask a question if you suspect the answer may give away information you don’t want others to know.

Don’t pretend. Don’t ask Siri to do something -- scheduling a (fictional) meeting with Mark Zuckerberg, for instance -- just to make yourself sound important..

*Virtual assistants listen to voice commands to send messages, set reminders, place phone calls, text others and answer your questions.

Take a Child to Lunch: A Holiday Gift To Remember

2011-11-28T06:19:00.000-08:00

Are there any manners for a food fight?

The above question was asked when I volunteered to teach dining to my son’s 4th-grade Boy Scout troop. You now know why my business is corporate-oriented! Usually, I teach adults, but I recently agreed to take a friend’s 12-year-old daughter to lunch. The young woman’s parents wanted their child to brush up on her table manners before her upcoming Bat Mitzvah.

As I prepared for this atypical teaching activity, I created a number of steps. With the holidays coming, you may want to follow them with a relative’s or friend’s child. You will be giving a gift that will last a lifetime.

The following are the 7 steps to a successful Take a Child to Lunch activity:

1. Do not include the parents. It’s amazing how well-behaved some children can be when their parents are not around. I know -- my son is a great guest. Let the parents know this is a private, unique activity for their child and you.

2. Choose a nice restaurant. Pick a place that will be special for the child. Make a reservation. Make sure the atmosphere is conducive to talking. Tell the child that you will be going to a nice restaurant and that he/she should be dressed appropriately.

3. Let the child set the parameters. Ask the child how much he or she knows about table manners, based on a 1-to-5 scale, 5 being the best. Also, ask how much the child wants to learn. My guest said she was a 1 and wanted to become a 5. As a result, she was giving me permission to give her feedback. But remember that all feedback must be given in a positive way.

4. Order a three- or four-course meal. You want the child to experience different courses. Possible choices include an appetizer, soup, salad, entree and dessert.

5. Don’t overwhelm. Concentrate on just three or four key learning points, such as choosing items from the menu, understanding the place settings, and holding and using the knife, fork and spoon correctly. Young people usually enjoy learning the memory trick “BMW” (Bread, Meal, Water) to remind them that their bread-and-butter plate is on the left, and water glass is on the right.

6. Make the experience fun. Make pleasant conversation and use some amusing, even gross, stories to emphasize the importance of manners. Examples include the woman who clipped her fingernails at the table, the man who licked his dessert plate clean, or the young man who tucked the tablecloth into his waistband when he didn’t have a napkin, and pulled all the dishes from the table when he went to the restroom.

7. Discuss the importance of thank-you notes. The young person can use either email or stationery. My young woman sent a printed note card that said, “Thank you for teaching me proper manners. I had a lot of fun.”

I did, also!

(If you are unsure about your own manners, check out the information on dining in my book When The Little Things Count…And They Always Count.)

8 Travel-Smart Tips for the Holidays

2011-11-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

A couple had some problems with the ticketing for a trip, and both were yelling and being rude to the ticket agent. The agent kept her cool and took care of their problems. After the couple left, the ticket agent next to her said, “Boy, they were really being nasty to you.” The agent replied, “That’s okay. They’re going to London--their luggage is going to Bulgaria!”

There are lots of reasons to exhibit good manners when traveling, not the least of which is that you don’t want your luggage going to Bulgaria!

I know that keeping your cool during the holidays can be a challenge, especially since passengers are paying more and still enduring long lines, cancellations, delays and lost luggage. With our recent atypical weather patterns -- including a snow storm in October on the East Coast -- the unusual is now to be expected.

Polite behavior cannot stop the snow, but it can make a bad situation better. Here are my 8 tips to help you be “travel smart.”

1. Be prepared for delays. Take food and water with you. (You have to buy your water after you go through airport security.) Have your necessities in your carry-on. Make sure your cell phone and all electronic devices are fully charged. Always bring something to read, listen to or watch. If you’re prepared for the worst, if and when it happens, you’ll be less stressed and better able to handle the situation.

2. No cursing, name calling or rude behavior. Do you really think that the person you just called all sorts of names will want to help you? One ticket agent deliberately scheduled a foul-mouthed passenger for a four-hour wait when an earlier flight was available. Customer service people tell me that although they are required to help rude people, they will do as little as possible. If you are polite, they are more likely to go out of their way for you.

3. Don’t make threats. In the post-911 world, threats are taken seriously. Don’t joke around or try to intimidate people.

4. Acknowledge the difficulty. When talking to the customer service person who can potentially help you, acknowledging his or her challenges can go a long way in helping you connect. Simply say: “It looks like it has been a really tough day,” or “It has been a difficult time, hasn’t it?”

5. Politely ask for what you want. If you ask for what you want and it’s a reasonable request, you are more apt to get it. Saying “Any chance for a dinner coupon?” may very well produce one.

6. Befriend other passengers. It makes for a more pleasant trip when things get difficult. You will have a “we’re in this together” mentality. As a bonus, people may share what they know. During one recent delay, a man that I had spoken to earlier found out that the airline had opened a new line upstairs. Before he went upstairs, he came and told me.

7. Be alert but don’t be a bully. Pay attention to your surroundings. Additional customer service personnel may appear and new lines may open up. You’ll need to be ready to move quickly…but it’s not okay to push or shove.

8. Don’t announce your travel plans on your social media sites. There are numerous examples of people’s homes being burglarized because they let their “friends” know they were away. A New York Times headline summed it up best: Burglars Said to Have Picked Houses Based on Facebook Updates.

Of course, as my husband keeps reminding me, there are no travel problems if you stay home!

Additional tips on the holidays and business can be found in my book When The Little Things Count…And They Always Count.

What To Do If You Are Interrupted—Don’t Shout!

2011-10-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

Rick Perry interrupted fellow presidential contender Mitt Romney during the recent Republican debates on television, and Romney’s response made the news.

Don’t worry, this blog is not political commentary. I am discussing the annoying habit of interrupting.

People don’t like to be interrupted. Nor do they like to be excluded from a conversation, or to have their contributions ignored. A Gallup poll a number of years ago found that people considered interrupting to be the most annoying behavior at work, and I found, while doing research for my book The Power of Positive Confrontation, that interrupting is one of the 12 behaviors that cause conflict in the workplace.

Your credibility can be hurt if you respond rudely when someone interrupts you. Here are five options to try if you are interrupted, including the one that Romney chose.

Let it go. People occasionally interrupt one another.

Continue speaking. Many times the interrupter will stop talking. You may need to raise your volume a little to make sure the person hears you.

Say something. Try a polite but powerful response, such as: “I’ll get to that in a moment;” “Hold that thought;” “Excuse me--I wasn’t finished;” or (the approach that Romney chose), “I’m still talking.” Deliver your line in a neutral, not harsh, tone of voice.

Wait until the person has finished speaking. You can then say, “As I was saying…” Make sure this doesn’t sound sarcastic.

Confront the person privately. If someone frequently interrupts you, talk to the person. Let the person know that he has a tendency to interrupt you, and you want it to stop. The interrupter may not be aware of his behavior.

Top Ten Things To Avoid When Making a Sales Presentation

2011-10-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

How do we appear experienced and mature, when we’re not?

The above question was asked recently by a young man as I was giving feedback to a group of new hires during a sales-presentation class. He and the other participants in the class were very bright, talented individuals, but they needed to play down their youthful demeanor. Their customers wanted to buy from sources who presented themselves as credible and mature.

I suggested that they eliminate discounting, immature mannerisms from their sales pitches to appear more self-assured and confident. Seasoned professionals also can check their presentations against this list.

Here are the top ten things to avoid when making a sales presentation:

1. Don’t use the words “hope” and “hopefully.” You don’t want to appear unsure. A number of the presenters said, “We hope you will choose us,” and “Hopefully we can work together.” Act confidently and say, “We look forward to working with you.”

2. Stop using “You guys” when referencing audience members. Do I really need to explain this one? It’s very casual, young person's language.

3. Don’t introduce yourself with your first name only. If you are not introduced before you make your presentation, give both your first and last names when introducing yourself. Your full name gives you more standing.

4. Avoid the phrase “to be honest with you.” Customers want to believe that you are always honest with them.

5. Eliminate the monotone voice. You need to be enthusiastic. One presenter said: “We’re excited about the turnaround at our firm,” but she didn’t sound as if she believed it. Occasionally, emphasize key words to animate your sentences.

6. Don’t play with your pen or rubber band when speaking to others. This distracting mannerism conveys nervousness. Keep your hands empty. You want to appear self-assured.

7. Do not dress inappropriately. Do you want to be remembered for what you wore or for what you said? Appearance matters in the business world. If you look like you just got out of bed, you won’t appear to be taking your customers’ business seriously. Don’t ignore your grooming. One woman had chipped blue polish on her nails, which was very distracting when she gestured.

8. Don’t use filler words. If your audience is counting the number of “ums” in your talk, they are not listening to you. Plus, you appear nervous and unprepared.

9. Avoid “I think” or “we think.” When you say “I think,” you are telling the audience that you don’t know. One presenter said, “We think we are a much stronger company today.” Speak with conviction and say, “We are a much stronger company today.”

10. Don’t get caught by the tough question. Try to anticipate every difficult question and your answer, or you will appear unprepared.

Additional information on presentation skills can be obtained from Pachter’s book, When The Little Things Count, or from Pachter & Associates' presentation skills seminars and coaching.

Someone Else’s Bad Behavior Is No Excuse For Your Own!

2011-09-28T04:06:00.000-07:00

Incivility A Growing Problem At Work

According to this headline (in italics above) on a USA Today story, there are many examples of ungracious behavior at work. For example, a few weeks ago it was reported that Yahoo Chairman of the Board Roy Bostock fired CEO Carol Bartz over the telephone. In a public response, Bartz called the board that dismissed her “doofuses.”

Was this an appropriate response to Bostock's unprofessional behavior?

You have no control over how other people behave, but you do control your response. Someone else’s bad behavior is no excuse for your own. I do know this is a hard concept to accept, yet it’s fundamental to civil behavior at work and elsewhere.

When you meet someone’s bad behavior with rude behavior of your own, you are giving that person power over you, the power to get you upset. In addition, it reflects poorly on you when you act unprofessionally, even if it is in response to another’s bad behavior.

Most of us are not going to be fired by the chairman of the board, but we can encounter rude behavior in the workplace. Here are some suggestions for handling the bad manners of others:

Consider your own behavior. Ask yourself, did I do anything to contribute to the situation? We can be very quick to blame others, yet many times we are part of the problem.

Stay polite. It’s hard to be nasty to people who are nice to you. In today’s tough economic climate, people are doing more with less. Don’t let the niceties suffer. In addition to helping others, simply sharing resources, saying “please” and “thank you,” and greeting people can go a long way toward maintaining good relationships.

Let it go. The rude behavior could be an isolated incident. Many times people don’t mean to say or do rude things. They could be having a bad day, and may even end up apologizing.

Stay professional. You can respond to rude behavior, but keep your comments polite and assertive. Examples include: Did you really mean to say that so harshly?, Why are you saying that?, Help me to understand why you did that, and I‘m offended by that comment.

Appeal to the next level. There may be situations that you cannot handle. Sometimes you may need to go to Human Resources or your boss to resolve a situation.

Additional information on dealing positively with conflict can be found in my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation.

A Dilemma: How To Use Restaurant Coupons...Politely

2011-09-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

We finally did it! We bought a restaurant coupon from Groupon, an e-commerce organization. It sells discounted restaurant gift certificates, among other things, through its deal-of-the-day coupons.

For $20, my husband purchased a coupon worth $40. He asked whether I thought we could use the certificate when dining with another couple, and, if so, how we should handle the dinner bill. I suggested we could use the certificate and share its cost and savings with the other couple.

This could be done in several ways:

We could ask the couple to reimburse us $10 for their share of the cost of the certificate, and then apply the $40 certificate towards the payment of the bill. We would split the remaining portion of the bill equally.

If a request for reimbursement seemed awkward, another option would be to apply the $40 certificate towards the payment of the bill. After dividing the remaining portion equally, we could then add $10 to the other couple's share and deduct $10 from our portion.

If this were a couple with whom we often socialized, a third option would be for us to absorb the entire cost of the certificate. Our friends would most likely reciprocate at another time.

Here are some additional suggestions about using coupons:

Be cautious if using a coupon when dining for business. If you are the host, pay the bill away from the table. In larger restaurants, you can usually do this by excusing yourself from the table. In smaller restaurants, speaking privately with the cashier is not always possible.

Calculate the waiter's tip based on the pre-coupon amount.

If using a coupon becomes too complicated when dining with other people, don't use it. Use the discount when dining by yourself or with your significant other.

There are many other companies that offer discounts, such as Living Social. Check them out and you may find deals you can use.

Additional dining tips can be found in my etiquette book Greet! Eat! Tweet!

How To Treat The Wait Staff With Respect

2011-08-30T03:28:00.000-07:00

When I interview sales managers, I take them to lunch to see how they treat the waiter and waitress.

Last week James Ziereis, Vice President of Sales at Caesars in Atlantic City, expressed the above sentiment while participating in a South Jersey Chamber of Commerce panel on networking.

His comment brings up an interesting etiquette question: If someone is not polite to the wait staff, will that person be polite to his or her subordinates? Many people, including company executives, believe that how you treat a waiter reveals a lot about your character.

One client told me that the president of her company disguised himself as the waiter during a pre-meeting breakfast because he wanted to observe whether members of his sales staff would greet him. Very few said “hello” or acknowledged him.

I also spoke during the networking panel, about etiquette. After the meeting, a manager wanted more information about dining and some specific recommendations for interacting with the wait staff. I gave her the following suggestions. These behaviors are not complicated, but diners who use them will be viewed by others as considerate and pleasant individuals.

1. Greet people. Say “hello,” “good morning” or “hi” when you make eye contact with the wait staff.

2. Do not speak down to the waiter. Ask for what you want politely and respectfully.

3. Say “thank you” when the waiter brings your food. You can also, at times, acknowledge the waiter’s effort with a smile or nod.

4. Be polite, if a problem occurs. Cursing at someone is not acceptable behavior. How you react in a restaurant when there is a difficult situation can show others how you would react in a challenging situation in the office.

5. Tip appropriately. If you are the host, it is your responsibility to pay the bill and add the tip. You don’t want to look like a cheapskate. The general guideline is to tip 15 - 20 percent of the pre-tax total. For most business meals you would tip 20 percent, especially if you made any special requests.

Dave Barry, a Pulitzer Prize-winning author and columnist, summed up my suggestions best when he said, “A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.”

You can learn more about business etiquette when you LIKE my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/pachtertraining.

Do You Talk Too Much? Let Me Count The Ways!

2011-08-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

You talk too much, You worry me to death, You talk too much, You even worry my pet…

The above lyrics from the song You Talk Too Much by Joe Jones sum up a communication distraction that many people have in the workplace.

A colleague recently asked me for suggestions for one of her coaching clients who talked too much, and, as a result, limited her opportunities for advancement. The following suggestions were helpful for my colleague. They may also help you or someone you know.

1. Identify how the over-talking occurs. You can’t eliminate what you don‘t know you are doing. Here are four possibilities:

• Giving too much information. During a meeting a supervisor was asked where he had bought his watch. Instead of saying, “At a great local store when I was on vacation in San Francisco,” he went into a five-minute monologue about searching six different stores to find the perfect watch. If people need more detail, they will ask you.

• Using too many words. Instead of “Let’s get together next week,” the person will say, “I was just thinking that you know, if you have some time and are not busy, we ought to get together next week.” Say what you need to say in as few words as necessary.

• Repeating what someone said in different words. Some repetition can confirm to the other person that you have heard what he or she has said. But in a group meeting too much repeating can be viewed as one-upmanship—the need to let everyone know you also knew that information.

• Talking when you shouldn’t. This includes whispering to a co-worker during a presentation or not reading the cues from meeting participants that no more discussion is needed.

2. Ask a trusted colleague or coach to help. This person can point out when you are talking too much

3. Use your voicemail system. Listen to how you describe something on the messages you leave for others. If you are too wordy, redo the message.

4. Check in with yourself. Before you add your comments during a meeting, ask yourself, “Do I really need to say this?”

5. Be creative. Come up with a solution that works for you. One manager put the initials KIS at the top of his papers to remind him to Keep It Short when he speaks at meetings.

Additional information on communication can be found in my book When The Little Things Count…And They Always Count.

How to “Keep In Touch”

2011-08-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

Both a client and a reader of my blog recently had higher-ups in their companies tell them to “keep in touch.” Both believe these individuals were sincere in their requests, and wanted to know the best way to maintain these important career relationships.

They were right to inquire. A delicate balance is required to “keep in touch” successfully. You do not want to be a pest, but you don’t want the higher-ups to forget you, either.

The following list contains a number of ways to keep connections alive. I know you know this -- do not do all of them at once! The general guideline would be to implement any one of these suggestions, once a quarter. Depending on your relationship with the person, or any special reason for maintaining contact, you might need to reach out more, or less, frequently.

1. Email any updates on promotions, new assignments, unusual business travel or non-work activities of interest. Keep the message short and upbeat. For example, a vendor just sent me an email about her selection to compete in an international sporting event. It was great to hear of her success.

2. Forward articles of interest. If you come across an unusual article that the person may not have seen, send it to him or her. The Internet makes this very easy to do.

3. Use social media. There is a lot that can be done, if the “keep in touch” person participates in social media. LinkedIn lets you know of your contacts' updates. You can easily acknowledge their achievements via an InMail note. If you have a professional blog, let others know of it. Be careful with Facebook. If the “keep in touch” person wants to friend you, make sure your Facebook page is business appropriate or use the privacy controls.

4. Ask for advice or suggestions. Asking someone’s opinion can be very flattering to the person. It needs to be a worthy request, and can be done in person or by email.

5. Informally “stop by.” Do this infrequently and have a legitimate reason for doing so. You can say something like, “I was in the building for a meeting and thought I would stop and say 'Hi'.” Judge how long you should stay by the response you receive. If the person invites you into the office, it usually means he or she has time to talk. If not, it’s usually best to keep the conversation short.

6. Invite the person to coffee or lunch. Make sure you have the relationship for this one. One salesperson would invite her “keep in touch” person to lunch during her annual visit to the home office. She emailed the person ahead of time to set up the appointment.

7. Send holiday cards. This old standard is still being done and is still a good way to stay in touch. Today people email greeting cards, also. Make sure to include a personal note.

8. Get involved in professional organizations. You will often see your contact at meetings or events. Go up to the person, say hello, shake hands and make some small talk. Do not monopolize the person’s time. Stay a few minutes and then move on.

Additional information on connecting can be found in my latest etiquette book, GREET! EAT! TWEET!

How To Avoid Mistakes In Email: Four Surefire Suggestions

2011-07-25T12:15:00.000-07:00

The following sentence was included in a recent email advertising a seminar: Don't spend another day struggling to write business documents with that are on target, on topic, and on deadline.

Can you find a mistake in the italicized sentence? Would a gaffe affect your decision to sign up for the class? It would certainly affect some. It is unprofessional and potentially costly to have mistakes in your documents.

In my writing classes, I teach the following four tips to catch errors:

Read your message out loud. If you read the words slowly, you will often hear any mistakes. Try it out on the above italicized sentence. Reading out loud also helps with the tone of your writing. If it sounds harsh to you, it will sound harsh to the reader.

Always look for one. This means that when you are proofing your writing, keep looking until you find an error. And if you don’t find one, keep looking until you do. It’s easy to miss an error unless you have a strategy for finding one.

Have someone else proof your writing. It is easier for other people to catch your mistakes, as they read what you've written with fresh eyes.

Add the email address last. You don’t want to send an email before you have finished writing and proofing the message. Even when you are replying to a message, it’s a good precaution to delete the recipient’s name, and insert it only when you are sure the message is ready to be sent.

Additional information on writing can be found in my book When The Little Things Count…And They Always Count.

PS: The error in the italicized sentence? The word "with" should have been deleted.

The Importance of Expressing Thanks

2011-07-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

Mom, you taught me to say "thank you" when I was a young child. Why do you have to teach this to adults?

My son asked me that question after listening to one of my speeches. It was an interesting question, since I assume most parents teach their children to say "thank you" in appropriate situations. Unfortunately, in our fast-paced, 24/7 world, it’s easy to forget this little nicety.

When you convey thanks, you are acknowledging the kindness/thoughtfulness/helpfulness shown to you by another person. There is no downside to this courtesy. Here are four situations when a "thank you" is appropriate.

1. Use “thanks” as a closing in your emails. Writing “thanks” or “thank you” is a quick and an effective way to acknowledge someone's effort. When texting, you can use the shortcut “thx,” if appropriate.

2. Wave “thanks” to the driver of a car that lets you into a line of traffic. My husband says that men wave; women, all too frequently, don’t. I hate to admit it, but he may be right. One colleague said she doesn’t wave to men because she doesn’t want the action viewed as flirtatious. Most drivers see the wave as an acknowledgement of their kindness. Kindness begets kindness. One driver lets you into the line; you let someone else in; that person may extend the courtesy to a third driver. We all end up with an easier commute.

3. Say “thank you” if someone holds the door for you. It’s rude not to acknowledge this considerate act. People have told me that when someone doesn’t express thanks, they will sarcastically say “You’re welcome.” I don't recommend this response.

4. Write thank-you notes when someone helps you, gives you a gift, or goes out of his or her way for you. Expressing your appreciation in a note is preferable to verbally thanking someone, since you have taken the time to write. The note can be handwritten or emailed.

Recently, a young woman I met for coffee wrote: I am so thankful for all the time you spent with me and the help you have given me to begin my future. I would certainly help her again.

An eight-year-old boy wrote to his grandparents: Thank you so much for all the fun stuff we did in Florida. I had a blast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He knows the power of "thank you." They are already planning their next trip.

Additional information on polite behavior can be found in my new etiquette book, GREET! EAT! TWEET!

How To Dress for a Promotion

2011-07-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am being considered for a promotion and would like to upgrade my wardrobe, but don’t know where to begin. We are a business casual company. Do you have any suggestions?

The woman who wanted this information was wise to consider her wardrobe as part of her career development. Clothing can help you create the look of a credible and competent professional. Harvard Business School professor Laura Morgan Roberts said, “If you are not managing your professional image, someone else is.”

Here are five ways for both men and women to upgrade their wardrobes as they advance in their careers.

• Analyze the clothing choices of the individual who currently holds your next-level position. What type of clothing does he or she wear? Do you think this person has a more professional appearance than you? If so, you’ll want to improve your wardrobe.

• Look at what higher-level professionals in your organization are wearing. You can usually model your clothing after them.

• Establish a relationship with an experienced personal shopper or sales person at a good clothing store. Explain what you wear to work now and that you would like to move your clothing up a notch. You can also work with a career coach.

• Start wearing a jacket, sweater or vest. These items provide a second layer and refine your appearance.

• Increase the amount of money you spend on your clothing. Spending more money on clothing will not automatically improve your wardrobe, but often more-expensive items are better quality, and that translates to an upgraded image for you.

Also, remember that your clothing needs to fit properly. If an item is too big or too small, it’s not going to project a professional appearance.

Additional information about dress can be found in my book, NewRules@ Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools and Techniques To Get Ahead and Stay Ahead http://www.pachter.com/resource_materials.htm

10 Rookie Job-Hunting Mistakes

2011-06-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

As a result of working with a number of recent college graduates, I’ve noticed that their inexperience with the workplace affects their job search. Here are 10 rookie job-hunting mistakes and ways to avoid making them. (Some of them apply to more-experienced people, also!)

1. Giving up. One graduate couldn’t find a position in her field, so she took a low-paying clerical job and stopped her search. Yes, times are tough, but if you don’t keep looking, you are not going to find anything. Spend time on your search. The more you do, the more likely you are to find something.

2. Eliminating yourself. Some people don’t apply for a position unless they meet all the job requirements. Apply anyway. You still may be a good fit for the position -- or you may be perfect for another opening at the same company.

3. Only having one version of your resume. You may be applying for a number of different types of jobs, and you want to tailor your resume to the position.

4. Not using the Career Center at your college. When I asked a young man if he used the Career Center, he replied, “I never used it when I was in school. I didn’t think to use it now.”

5. Apologizing for your inexperience. Avoid saying, “I’m sorry. I have never done that.” Emphasize what you have done.

6. Not doing your research on job hunting. This may be the first time you are looking for professional employment. There is a lot of information readily available on the web. Reading about looking for work can provide suggestions for your own search. And reading about companies to which you are applying is absolutely essential.

7. Having inappropriate material on your social media sites. Get rid of anything that is questionable. Human Resource people and bosses will look you up and evaluate you based on what they see or read. Also, be sure to have a LinkedIn presence online.

8. Not having a coach. A coach keeps you focused on your search. You report to your coach regularly about your activities, and discuss additional opportunities to explore. You can hire a coach, or ask someone you know, preferably a trusted, professional adult, to be your coach.

9. Not letting people know you are looking. You never know who may know of an opening.

10. Not volunteering. If you are not employed, do some volunteer work in your community. You will be giving back, and potentially meeting people who can help you in your search. .

Additional suggestions are available in my book When The Little Things Count…And They Always Count: 601 Essential Things That Everyone in Business Needs To Know.

Are You Open to Feedback?

2011-06-16T07:38:00.000-07:00

Recently, my husband returned from a golf outing. He told me that his buddy had made the same comments about his driving that I have been making for years, which he had chosen to ignore. He finished with, “Maybe there is some truth to what you have been telling me.”

Finally! He was hearing me.

We all need feedback to grow and improve. Do you hear the comments people give you or simply disregard them? Here are two things to consider when someone gives you feedback:

1. Who is giving you the feedback?
People can be very quick to remark on our behavior. If the person making the comment is an expert, the feedback is really a gift. You should seriously consider what was said. Coaching has exploded in the workplace over the last couple of years since many professionals want, or have been told, to get feedback from knowledgeable sources. (In my recent article in the Harvard Business Review, I discuss executives receiving feedback.)

If the person is not an expert, you have various options. You can listen and then chalk it up to one person’s opinion. You can probe, and ask the person to clarify the comment by saying, “What exactly do you mean by _____?" Sometimes you gain good information, and sometimes the person has nothing worthwhile to add.

2. Is there a pattern of similar comments?
When you receive a number of similar comments from different people, chances are there is some truth to what is being said. You should consider whether it would be to your benefit to make some changes based upon that feedback.

One woman was often asked if she was upset as she looked stern. She said she wasn’t and didn’t believe all the comments about her espression--until she saw her wedding video. She said it was the happiest day of her life and she looked miserable. She finally realized that the numerous comments people made were spot on.

Another Clothing Milestone: Has Pantyhose Disappeared From The Workplace?

2011-06-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

It's just too hot. I have given up wearing pantyhose. Is that okay?

As the summer approaches, I am often asked that question as more businesses have embraced casual dress policies, and many women have stopped wearing hose.

The answer on whether to wear or not to wear pantyhose is complicated. Hosiery provides a more finished look, and you wouldn’t wear a conservative business suit without hose. Yet in today’s business casual environment, wearing pantyhose is not always necessary.

Women need to understand the importance of projecting a professional image, and then determine what’s suitable for them and their workplace. Here are four items to consider:

• If you are wearing pants or a pantsuit to the office, your legs are not exposed and the question of whether to wear hose or not becomes moot.

• Your legs need to be in good conditions to pull off not wearing hosiery. If you have blemishes, scars or varicose veins, pantyhose will diminish their appearance. Also consider the contrast between your skin color and your clothing. If there is a lot of contrast, you will be drawing attention to your legs. Pantyhose can diminish the contrast.

• During the summer people tend to be very casual with their clothing choices. Wearing pantyhose will not fix an outfit that should never be worn to the workplace. Keep belly shirts, shorts, and see-through tops at home.

• Consult your company’s dress code. Your company or job may require them.

Interviewing Tips For Everyone

2011-05-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

My recent press release on interviewing tips for upcoming high school and college graduates was picked up by many publications. For my blog this week I have adapted those suggestions to help job seekers of all ages alleviate the jitters associated with interviewing.

1. Prepare meaningful discussion points. Know “the stories of your life.” Think of positive, specific examples ahead of time that demonstrate your competency; such as how you handled rude customers or difficult employees, and use these illustrations when you answer questions.

2. Practice interviewing with a colleague or friend. You will learn where you stumble or whether you use “like” or “um.” Be open to the feedback that you are given. Anticipate the tough questions and know how you will answer them. You can also hire a coach to help prepare you for the interview.

3. Do your research. Visit the company’s website, and become a fan if they have a Facebook page. Talk to people who work there. Your LinkedIn contacts may help you identify people that work or have worked at the company.

4. Wear a business suit. When interviewing for most jobs in corporate America, it’s usually best to wear a suit—even if the company has a business casual dress policy. Sometimes you will be told what to wear and you should follow those guidelines. Make sure your clothes are clean and pressed.

5. Shake hands twice. Believe it or not, one of the simplest things you can do to convey a sense of confidence and professionalism is to shake hands properly at the beginning of the interview and at the end. And shake hands with everyone in the room.

6. Be enthusiastic. Many candidates have good job skills, but they seem passive during the interview. You need to be engaging. Don’t slouch, avoid nervous gestures like hair twirling, look the interviewer in the eye, and smile during the interview. Answer the questions clearly and concisely. If you act confidently, others will perceive you that way (even if that’s not how you feel on the inside.)

7. Have questions to ask. You will usually be asked if you have any questions for the interviewer. Prepare a couple of questions ahead of time and ask them. It shows your interest in the position. You may also choose at the end of the interview to ask something like, “Do you have any reservations about hiring me?” or “How do you see my skill set matching up with the position?”

8. Send thank-you notes. Write to each of the people who interviewed you. An emailed thank- you note is acceptable in most situations.

9. Learn from each interview. What worked? What can you improve upon? Review the questions you were asked. How did you answer them? How will you answer them in the future?

Stop Complaining: Learn to Speak Up!

2011-05-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

A colleague asked me for help. She was tired of listening to her friend complain about work and wanted to know how to stop the steady stream of negative comments.

Her friend was a “Complainer.” Complainers don’t confront, but gripe to others about their situations. Complaining can be draining to both the complainer and the person hearing the comments. Unfortunately, lots of people complain.

One woman quit a good job because her boss was overloading her with projects. She never said anything to the boss; she only complained to her coworkers. Later when the boss found out why his employee quit, he asked: “If she was having a problem, why didn’t she say something to me?”

I suggested to my colleague that she could encourage her friend to speak up, and provided six steps as a starting point for a complainer to follow:

1. Understand the consequence of not saying something. Wishing things will change won’t accomplish anything. If you don’t speak up, three things can occur: your situation won’t change, your relationship with the person will suffer, and you’ll end up feeling bad about yourself for tolerating a difficult situation. Your professional reputation may also be diminished if you get labeled a “complainer.”

2. Identify what’s going to solve the problem. Know what’s going to make your situation better. Be reasonable and realistic. Anticipate any objections and how to respond.

3. Practice what you want to say, including asking for what you want. The more you practice, the less nervous you will be when you say something. You can also role play the confrontation with a friend.

4. Pick a good time and place. You confront in private, when you are calm and when it’s a good time for the other person.

5. Pay attention to your nonverbals. Use open body language, no pointing or pounding. Speak calmly and directly, without a harsh tone to your voice.

6. Review. After you have had your discussion with the person, evaluate what happened. What worked and what would you do differently next time?

Additional information on speaking up can be obtained from my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation.

Moving on? The Etiquette for Leaving a Job

2011-05-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

A woman was leaving her company and wanted some suggestions on how to exit graciously. Moving to a new position is not unusual in today’s workplace. A recent study by MetLife said that more than one-third of employees hope to change jobs in the next 12 months.

We discussed four key actions to take:

1. Let people know. Obviously your boss knows, but you need to tell or email your employees, colleagues and clients/customers. A woman I was coaching used the below email to tell a group of her clients at the same company. Feel free to adapt it to your situation.

Hello,
I wanted to reach out to everyone to share some news. This Friday will be my last day.

Over the past year, you have provided me with the opportunity to grow, have challenged and supported me and helped me to become a better account supervisor. I am grateful, and couldn't leave without expressing my appreciation for your many kindnesses.

I have enjoyed working with all of you. Although I am sad to leave, I will be moving on to a new opportunity to continue my growth and career development.

I hope to have a chance to see everyone to say goodbye in person.

All the best,

2. Thank people. Make a special effort to thank the people that have gone out of their way for you. One man took his office manager to lunch as a special thank you.

3. Don’t burn your bridges. No matter how long you have fantasized about telling your boss off—don’t do it. You may feel wonderful for ten seconds, but later you’ll probably feel bad about it. And the only thing you have accomplished is that you have lost a reference. This also means no posting of nasty comments on Facebook.

4. Make the transition easy for your replacement. Be as up-to-date as you can. Leave detailed notes. If possible, introduce the person to the key people that he or she will be working with.

These suggestions worked for her. The last thing her boss said to her was, “You are welcome to come back any time!”

No Pouting: 7 Steps to Handle Criticism

2011-04-25T09:10:00.000-07:00

A director has just received an assessment from her client about her work and wanted to know if she had handled the criticism appropriately. During our coaching session we reviewed the following steps. Check them out to see if you receive criticism professionally.

1. Don’t get defensive. You want to be open to the feedback. Look at the person, don’t frown or cross your arms. Remember no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Think of criticism as an opportunity to grow.

2. Listen attentively. And as hard as it may be, do not interrupt. You don’t want to cut short the person’s comments. You really have to hear what the person has to say.

3. Ask for clarification. If the person is not specific, you can ask him or her to explain the comments. Responses like, “What exactly do you mean by unprofessional?” or “Why did you say the report was terrible?” can help you gain information and buy you some time to calm down and collect your thoughts.

4. Explain what happened. Do not make excuses but sometimes there may be reasons for the difficulty that were truly beyond your control. Calmly give the details.

5. If you did mess up, accept responsibility. Saying, “You’re right. It won’t happen again” can go a long way to defuse a negative situation.

6. Ask for more. Before the conversation is over, ask for more feedback. Saying, “Tell me more….” or “What else?” demonstrates that doing a good job is important to you.

7. Finish off the criticism. Send an email that you learned from the discussion and are ready for the next assignment/challenge: “Thanks for the feedback. I have already implemented the changes we discussed and look forward to working with you in the future.”

It turns out that the director had done five of seven items listed!

Additional information can be found in The Power of Positive Confrontation or LIKE my Facebook fan page to receive daily communication tips. www.facebook.com/pachtertraining

Email Etiquette: LOL, Exit Emails and More

2011-04-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

A man emailed his cousin to express sympathy for the death of her cat. He ended with “LOL, Tom.” He believed it meant “lots of love.” She knew the abbreviation as “laughing out loud” and was very upset.

This story points out the risk of using abbreviations in your writings. And is one of the more current concerns about emails that have surfaced in my writing classes.

We have all experienced the next issue: the frustration of the never-ending email trail. You can stop replying to an email if you no longer need to confirm that you have received the information; otherwise you need an “exit email.” This ending email completes the conversation. For example, you email a colleague that you will be late to the meeting and your colleague responds, “No problem. I’ll meet you in the lobby after the meeting.” Is the conversation complete? Not yet. You still need to send an “exit email” to let the person know you got the information and will be in the lobby.

If you find yourself saying, “But I didn’t mean it that way,” your emails probably sounded harsh to your readers. This last concern addresses the tone of your writings. Follow these 4 tips to avoid appearing stern:
1. Include a salutation. You’ll appear friendly if you do.

2. Read your emails out loud. If the words sound harsh to you, they will sound harsh to the reader.

3. Avoid negative words, such as “wrong,” “failed,” or “error.” “You failed to sign the contract” can appear aggressive. “The contract wasn’t signed” doesn’t assign blame.

4. Be cautious with humor. Your comments may appear as put-downs when written.

LIKE my Facebook fan page to learn more writing tips. www.facebook.com/pachtertraining

The 8 Deadly Sins of Executive Dining

2011-04-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been getting a number of questions from high-level executives and business owners about dining with clients. Since the economy has been improving, they are entertaining their clients and potential clients more often and want to feel comfortable in restaurants.

Here are 8 of the biggest mistakes that executive diners want to avoid:

1. Picking an inappropriate restaurant. Match the restaurant to the guest. Don’t take a very important client to a mediocre eatery. You want your guest to feel valued. Make sure the restaurant’s atmosphere is conducive to talking.

2. Forgetting to make a reservation. You don’t want to be turned away or have to wait in the lobby. Forge a relationship with a restaurant’s staff by becoming a regular. They will know you and your preferences, address you by name, give you a better table, and in a pinch find a table for you when the restaurant is booked.

3. Not being in charge. As host, you need to take charge of the logistics of the meal. Direct your guest to the best seat. Recommend menu items. Make sure your guest’s order is taken first and make a wine selection based on his or her preference. Don’t have the check come to the table. You can arrange payment with the restaurant beforehand.

4. Failing to keep the table balanced. If your guest orders an appetizer, so should you. The same is true for drink and dessert. If you don’t want alcohol, order a non-alcoholic drink. You don’t want to make your guest feel uncomfortable by eating a course alone.

5. Using your utensils improperly. Many business diners are confused as to which way is the correct way to maneuver your fork and knife—American or Continental. Either style is acceptable; but be consistent and correct in your use. When eating in the American style, you cut your meat using both knife and fork, then place your knife at the top of the plate and switch the fork to the dominant hand to eat. When eating in the Continental style, you still cut your food with both knife and fork, but then you eat the meal without putting the knife down or switching the fork to the opposite hand.

6. Taking your guest’s bread. To remember that your bread plate is to the left of your dinner plate, you can think of the BMW car. “B” on the left stands for Bread, “M” in the middle stands for Meal and “W” on the right stands for Water.

7. Not facilitating small talk. As the host you need to make sure conversation flows. Do your homework. What topics are of interest to your guest and what is important to him or her?

8. Drinking too much. Stay sober. You can easily say or do something you will regret if you have had too much to drink.

Are You Listening to Voicemail Messages?

2011-03-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

“Don’t leave me voicemail messages. I don’t listen to them anymore,” my college-bound son proclaimed. He added, “I can see that you called, and I’ll call you back.”

As I thought about my son’s statement I realized that I don’t always listen to messages left on my Smartphone. Last week when I was giving a seminar my husband left a message. At break, I returned his call and nervously asked, “Is everything Ok?”

He responded, “Didn’t you listen to my message?”

I answered truthfully, “No, I didn’t.”

“Isn’t that a breach of etiquette?” he questioned. “If I take the time to leave a message, shouldn’t you take the time to listen?” (Ouch! He has lived with me too long!)

Since my husband rarely contacts me at work I was worried that something had happened. A phone call would allow me to respond immediately.

Saving time is one of the reasons people give for not listening to their messages. Others include that some callers leave messages that are too long or never give the reason for the call. Also, returning calls on your Smartphone is very quick and easy to do.

But before you stop listening to voicemail messages, consider these etiquette guidelines for the workplace:

• Make sure you listen to any client’s, customer’s or boss’s message. You may learn some valuable information.

• Don’t inconvenience people. If you obtain the needed information from a message, you don’t need to interrupt the person with a call.

• If you didn’t listen to the message, let the person know.

• Don’t play games. One manager will tell the caller that he didn’t listen to his or her message when he did. He believes that some employees leave messages to avoid difficult conversations.

• Leave messages that get listened to. Don’t get known as long-winded. Say what you have to say succinctly. Speak clearly and let the person know what you want.

There still may be times when you ignore the message and call back. I usually don’t listen to my sisters’ messages. I know they are going to say, “Call me!”

Presenting to a Difficult Audience? 5 Suggestions for Success

2011-03-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

At a recent luncheon the speaker didn’t mention one of the key concerns regarding his topic. As a result, many of the people at my table started discussing the issue and stopped listening to the speaker.

Most audiences want you to do well. Occasionally though you may encounter people who do not want to be in your audience or have strong, sometimes negative, opinions about your topic. Practice these five suggestions to help win over any audience.

• Know your audience. Learn as much as you can about your audience before your presentation. What do they know about your topic? What do they want to know about your topic? What are their concerns? If you address your participants’ concerns, they are more likely to listen.

• Mingle before the presentation. Be friendly. Go up to people and introduce yourself. This rapport building helps people connect with you. You can also learn more about your audience during this time.

• Establish credibility. Make sure the audience knows why you are qualified to talk about the subject. If you are not introduced, make sure you give a self-introduction in the beginning of your presentation. And this is not the time to be modest. The more knowledgeable the audience thinks you are, the less likely they are to challenge you.

• Project confidence whether you feel it or not. Don’t show or tell the audience that you are uncomfortable. Look people in the eye. Stand when you can. Dress for the presentation. And speak loudly enough to be heard with authority.

• Anticipate the tough questions and know how you will answer them. Prepare ahead of time for every possible negative, difficult question or comment. You should not be caught off guard.

Managing Your Mingling Misgivings

2011-03-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

I’m too embarrassed to go alone.

A seminar participant told me she wasn’t going to a networking meeting because she didn’t have anyone to go with her. I replied (politely) that by not attending the meeting she was missing an opportunity to meet new people and learn from the event.

I also commented that many people attend business-social activities by themselves. Some prefer it because it enables them to interact with more people.

Some suggestions to help you overcome your reluctance to attend events on your own include the following:

• Identify your purpose before you go. Is it to meet a particular person? Hear the latest from a speaker? Find out about any job openings? Catch up with colleagues? Add people to your network? Knowing your purpose can keep you focused on achieving your objective.

• Walk into a room like you belong there. Because you do! After you enter, stand to the side and get your bearings. Is there an official host or receiving line that you need to approach? Do you need to sign in? Where’s the food and drink? Do you see someone you know? Do you need to find your table or get a seat? Find an area where you want to begin and walk confidently to it.

• Know that others are uncomfortable also. You are not alone. Many people can feel ill at ease when attending business–social events. The secret is not to let others know that you are uncomfortable. Look approachable. Don’t stand with your arms crossed and a stern look on your face. Make eye contact with others and have a pleasant facial expression.

• Pretend you are the host. And it is your job to make others feel comfortable. You can go up to someone that is alone. Say hello, introduce yourself and shake hands. Ask the person a question to start conversation.

• Don’t talk with one person the whole time. Stay with people 4 – 7 minutes. This is not a hard and fast rule, but a general guideline so you get to meet more people. But if you are talking with someone you have been trying to meet, stay longer!

More tips on mingling can be found in my new etiquette book GREET! EAT! TWEET!

Word Choice Etiquette: I Think You Should Avoid “I Think”

2011-03-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

How would you answer your boss if she asked, “What time is the meeting on Monday?” Would you say: “The meeting is at 3 p.m.” or “I think the meeting is at 3 p.m.”

If you picked the first sentence as your response, you know the information and have answered with certainty. Yet if you chose the second sentence, you appear unsure about your answer because you said “I think.” You really are telling your boss that you don’t know.

And, why would you tell someone that you don’t know something when you do?

A woman in one of my seminars told me that she had just done this. Even though she knew that the time for her meeting had changed, she answered her boss using “I think…” After hearing her response, he immediately walked over to the phone and called someone else to get the information.

Using “I think” can also make you appear wishy-washy. My son asked to go somewhere and I responded, “I think it will be okay.” He responded, “Mom, do you think so or do you know so?” (He’s been a seminar participant his whole life!)

People tell me that they use “I think” because they don’t want to appear too strong or opinionated, especially with a higher-level person.

I respond to these comments with, “I think there are alternatives…”

No, I don’t say that! I respond without the “I think” and say, “There are alternatives that will allow them to appear confident without being too authoritative.” These suggestions include:

1. Eliminate the “I think” and just state the information. “I think another thing I want to say is…”or “Another thing I want to say is…” Make sure there is no harsh tone in your voice.

2. Use “I believe” instead of “I think.” I believe means that I believe it to be true at this moment in time, though ultimately I may be wrong.

3. Use “I suggest” or “I recommend” when asked to give your opinion about which product, service or person to choose. Instead of “I think product x” say “I suggest product x” or “After my research, I recommend product x.”

Your word choices are important. How you express yourself to others will influence how they view you.

5 Ways To Deliver Difficult News

2011-02-23T08:49:00.000-08:00

I Really Didn't Know How To Have This Conversation

A vendor told a loyal customer that he would send her a job quote, but four weeks later she hadn’t heard from him. The vendor finally texted her, “I didn’t know how to tell you, but I’ve been too busy to do your work. Sorry. I really didn’t know how to have this conversation.”

She was furious with him: “If he had told me right up front, I would have understood. But I won’t use his services again.”

How do you deliver difficult news? Here are 5 suggestions that give you the best chance of conveying your message and maintaining a relationship:

1. Don’t delay! The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Take a little time to get your thoughts together, but don’t put off the discussion. When you do, you usually create more problems.

2. Face up to your responsibility. Don’t delegate this assignment to someone else. If it is your job to deliver the news, you should do so.

3. Choose the correct way. It’s usually best to talk face-to-face, just make sure that you are in a private setting. Other people don’t need to hear the discussion. If that is not possible, the telephone is the next best alternative. Email is informal, but it can work if most of your communication has been by email. Avoid sending difficult news via a text message. It is usually too impersonal, abrupt, and annoyingly prolonged because of the space limitations of a text. One man had to send four messages to convey his complete thought.

4. Pick your words carefully. Explain the situation without using negative, stern language. Be honest, without being cruel. Write down what you want to say. Read the words out loud. If it sounds harsh to you, it will sound harsh to the other person.

5. Offer alternatives, if you have them. Saying “I’m unable to do this because…, but I can do this for you” will make the news easier for others to hear. A boss told his employee that she didn’t get the promotion, but told her that he would help her find a training class to gain the necessary skills to move ahead.

Additional information on difficult conversations can be found in my book The Power of Positive Confrontation. ( http://tinyurl.com/39fsdre )

Still Working? 7 Ways To Stay Vibrant When Over 50 or 60!

2011-02-17T06:48:00.000-08:00

You must have been a real looker when you were younger.

The graying of the American workforce has begun. Many people have delayed retirement because of the economy and some older workers still want to work and don’t plan to stop. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the number of workers age 55-64 in the workplace is expected to increase by 36.5 percent between 2006-2016.

I have been getting a number of questions lately about being a successful older worker, and offer these suggestions to help people stay vibrant in today’s changing business world:

1. Don’t get defensive. The above quote said to a businesswoman in her 60s illustrates that people give back-handed compliments about age. A man was told that “He looked great for his age.” Don’t dwell on the comment or its intent. Simply reply, “Thank you” and move to another topic.

2. Overcome negative self-talk. Don’t keep asking yourself, “Am I too old for this?” View yourself as a professional with lots of good experience and look forward to more career accomplishments.. You can also look to role models of successful older workers for inspiration. Diane Sawyer just turned 65.

3. Learn social media. Have a Facebook page. Get on LinkedIn. Know about Twitter. You need some familiarity with social media. If you don’t know where to start, ask your children or grandchildren for help.

4. Toot your own horn. Regardless of your age, you need to speak well of yourself. But you will be dating yourself if you continually mention the past. Saying, “At Gimbels we did…” may make you seem like a dinosaur as some people you work with may not have been born in 1987 when this national department store closed. Also, don’t joke about how long you have been in the workplace. One 54-year old manager often says, “When I worked at Ford 100 years ago….”

5. Stay in shape. Eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly can help keep you vital and well.

6. Learn how to work for a younger boss. You may need to adjust your communication style. Know how your boss likes to communicate. If he or she prefers texting, learn to text. Remember to act like an employee, not a parent.

7. Get a makeover. You can choose to look younger. Dying your hair, updating your glasses or getting contacts, whitening your teeth, getting a new hairstyle and a contemporary wardrobe can often deduct ten years or more from your look. Some people also choose more extensive measures like Botox or plastic surgery. If you don’t know where to begin, professional coaches can help.

One Man’s Journey To Career Success

2011-02-10T07:28:00.000-08:00

My husband sent me the link on YouTube about the Philadelphia Eagles’ new Defensive Coordinator, Coach Juan Castillo. He encourages me to use sport stories in my classes, but some examples are better than others.

This time my husband was right. The short video tells the story of Juan’s humble beginnings to his success in the NFL. And his story has a great message for sport fans…and businesspeople. But please don’t tell my husband. It will go to his head!

During the video, the importance of working hard is stressed several times:

• Castillo said, “How did I do it? I worked my butt off, slept in cars to meet people.”

• Andy Reid, (current Eagles Head Coach) said, “Nobody works harder in National Football League than Juan Castillo.”

• Jon Gruden (a former Eagles coach) said, “I used to take pride in getting in there at 3:17 in the morning, Juan’s in there at 3:03. The guy worked his butt off.”

• Towards the end of the video, Castillo summed it up when he said, “When you work hard…good things happen.”

Are you working as hard as Juan Castillo? Do you want to advance in your career? Consider these 7 suggestions if you want to move ahead:

1. Finish your degree. Many people have told me they wished they hadn’t stopped their studies. If time is an issue, consider online courses. If you have your bachelor’s, think about getting your master’s.

2. Set career goals. If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. (The Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland) Work towards what you want. You can always change your mind, but knowing where you are going keeps you focused.

3. Work hard. This seems obvious, but people don’t always give 100%. Go the extra mile and be persistent.

4. Become an expert. Build an area of expertise. Develop your niche. Be the person that people seek out for advice and suggestions. You want to be recognized as a knowledgeable resource.

5. Stay current. Read your professional journals and newsletters. Attend training to update your skills. Stay abreast of any new technology. Get involved in your professional associations. You will build your network and find out what’s happening in your field.

6. Volunteer for assignments. Help others when you can. Offer to write articles for your company’s and/or association’s newsletters. Look for speaking opportunities within your organization, community or professional associations. You will get known for these efforts.

7. Find a mentor/mentor others. Mentors help you grow in your career. And when you mentor others, you expand your professional network and strengthen your role as an expert. (See my blog: Become a Mentor: It’s a Two-Way Street, January 24, 2011.)

You can watch the video and let me know what your think: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rp-ifMyyMhU

Speak up! We Can’t Hear You

2011-01-31T11:19:00.000-08:00

As the young woman was leaving the office, her boss started giving her assignments. She replied, “But, I’m in training this afternoon.” He ignored her comments and continued to describe the tasks in more detail. It dawned on her that he hadn’t heard her. (She had been in my class the week before.) She raised her volume and repeated, “I’m in training this afternoon.” He replied, “Oh sure, you can do it tomorrow. Have a good class!”

Many men and women, especially women, do not speak loudly enough. And speaking softly is a subtle nonverbal that can affect your professionalism.

Have you ever said something in a meeting and nobody responded? Yet 20 minutes later somebody at the end of the table said exactly what you said and that person got acknowledged for it.

It could be that by speaking softly you make it easy for people to ignore your comments. You are not being heard, with what I call “substance,” so that what you say registers on others.

Not speaking loudly enough can also invite errors. One soft-spoken supervisor was giving instructions involving numbers to two employees. One employee heard 3; the other heard 30. Big difference!

Follow these three suggestions so your professionalism is not hurt by your volume:

1. Monitor yourself. If you find yourself thinking, but I told him that the first time, it’s possible that you are not speaking with enough volume.

2. Gain an awareness of your volume. Listen to your voice mail messages before you send them. And, if necessary, redo the message and increase your volume.

3. Learn your range. People that are soft spoken usually believe that they only have their regular soft volume and screaming. And everybody has a range of volume; you want to learn yours. Count slowly from one to five, and increase your volume with each number. One would be your softest volume and five would be screaming. Most people want to be between 2½ and 3½.

Become A Mentor: It’s A Two-Way Street!

2011-01-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

January is National Mentoring Month and it’s only fitting that a woman that I have mentored for a number of years called me last week to help her prepare for a high-level interview. She is being considered for a vice president position at another company. She said that a woman she had mentored recommended her for the open position.

It made my day! What goes around, comes around.

Mentoring is a two-way street. The mentee gains from interacting with an experienced person, yet the mentor also benefits from the relationship. Mentors gain by:

1. Helping others develop in their careers. This is the primary role of mentoring. Many people really enjoy helping others, just for the satisfaction of doing so.

2. Expanding their professional network. As the woman I just mentioned experienced, having people in your network can be very helpful for your own career advancement.

3. Learning from the person. You can obtain new perspectives on current issues. Our college interns were invaluable in helping us learn social media.

4. Strengthening their role as an expert in their field. You will be sharing your expertise with others and enhancing your own reputation.

5. Expanding their own skills. When you interact with a mentee, you will often need to coach and provide feedback to that person. These are good leadership skills for you to have, regardless of your profession.

6. Becoming people that others want to work for. A corporate attorney for a large company had a reputation for developing the people that worked for him. As a result, he always had a large pool of potential hires when he had an open position.

There are many ways to become a mentor. Your organization or professional associations may have formal mentoring programs that you can join. Community organizations also may have programs.

There is also an informal method. In this option you develop a mentoring relationship with someone by offering to help them, answering their questions and inviting them to interact with you. Over time a mentoring relationship can develop.

Isn’t it time for you to start mentoring others?

Obama’s Words Put Into Practice

2011-01-13T07:19:00.000-08:00

I know, I only post once a week. This is an exception. I promise.

But after listening last night to President Obama remark at the Tucson Memorial, “How we treat one another is entirely up to us,” I knew I couldn’t wait until next week. I agree with Obama’s words and want to provide specific ways for people to express their differences without resorting to bad behavior.

Here are the 6 approaches (from one of last year’s blogs Ways To Restore Civility in Today’s World and included in my new book GREET! EAT! TWEET!) that provide specific actions so we don’t have to mirror the impolite actions of others.

1. Don’t attack back. Remember that someone else’s bad behavior is no excuse for your own. Though it may feel good to respond in kind if someone is rude to you, it rarely achieves anything positive.

2. Talk to the person. If you are experiencing difficulty with someone, having a discussion with him or her may help. You can evaluate an idea without attacking the person who is promoting it. Saying, “Your suggestion doesn’t work for me, and here’s why…” is a lot more productive than screaming at people or calling them names.

3. Use courteous behavior. It’s hard to be nasty to people who are nice to you. Keep “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” in your vocabulary. Do not ignore others; greet them when you see them. Help others when you can.

4. Avoid inflammatory words. Using harsh words, such as “stupid,” “ignorant,” and “fool,” only inflame a situation, and make it less likely you’ll reach a positive resolution. Cursing at people is just mean.

5. Admit your errors. Saying to someone, “I shouldn’t have said that, or done that,” goes a long way in maintaining good relationships.

6. Stop complaining. If you don’t like something, don’t complain about it, do something. Get involved. Join organizations. Politely object.

And if none of these techniques seems likely to help in your particular case, try to walk away from a difficult situation before it gets hostile.

You Had Lobster And I Had Chicken--The Etiquette Of Splitting The Bill

2011-01-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

Two couples were out to dinner. One of the couples ordered a $120 bottle of wine. They drank it themselves. The other couple wasn’t drinking. When the bill came, the first couple didn’t provide extra for their wine and assumed the restaurant bill would be split in half.

People have gotten annoyed at friends, neighbors, coworkers, and even relatives when they are dining together and one party orders significantly more costly items than the other, and then doesn’t offer to contribute more to the bill. One woman told me she is not going out with another couple because they always order the most expensive items and expect them to share the costs.

Lately I have been getting asked a lot about sharing bills at restaurants. And since more and more people socialize with coworkers outside of work, I thought I would offer some suggestions when dining with others and splitting the bill:

1. Pay attention. I don’t believe that most people are trying to take advantage of their friends, they simply aren’t paying attention. Notice the cost of the items you are ordering and the number of courses ordered and compare them to the other diners. But you don’t want to be a nit-picker. A $16 entree is similar to a $19 entree, but not a $32 entrée. Also, there is a difference if you order an appetizer, salad, main course, coffee and dessert and everyone else just orders entrees and desserts. This applies to drinks, too.

2. Be cautious with specials. Specials usually cost more than comparable menu items, and many times waiters don’t provide their cost, unless asked. When you are with friends, you can ask the waiter the price of the item. I wouldn’t recommend doing this when dining for business.

3. Offer to pay more, if you ordered more expensive items than the rest of the group. Calculate quickly your additional share--it doesn’t have to be exact to the penny! The other couple doesn’t have to accept your offer, but what is important is that you asked. And often couples that socialize frequently have a tacit understanding that over time the cost differences balance out between them.

4. Separate checks aren’t always a solution. They can make your meal seem more like a business arrangement, instead of a social outing with friends. And, some restaurants don’t want to provide them, especially when they are busy.

5. Let it go or say something. If the other couple’s share is significantly more than yours and they don’t offer to contribute more, you can chose to speak up politely. When you look at the bill, you can say something like, “Your share is actually more than half. Why don’t you pick up the tip?” People have told me that they would never say something; they would rather just stop seeing the couple. I respond that when you are ready to end a relationship, what do you have to lose by saying something?

Avoiding the Seven Deadly Sins Committed by Workers

2011-01-04T11:11:00.000-08:00

A colleague of mine told me that she had to fire one of her employees since he hadn’t shown any initiative in her fast paced, creative work environment.

I thought for a second and responded that he committed one of the Workers’ Seven Deadly Sins—the work traits that get employees ignored, not promoted or even fired.

In today’s highly competitive workplace, you want to be seen as a valuable and vital employee. As we start the New Year, ask yourself if you exhibit any of these traits and resolve to eliminate them if you do.

1. Not showing initiative. Are you trying new or better ways to accomplish your work? Be proactive. Is your employer gaining anything extra from you? As my colleague’s employee found out, most employers want you to go above and beyond.

2. Paying little attention to details. Are there mistakes in your work? Notice the little things, proof your writings and double check any numbers. There can be consequences if you don’t. One engineer wrote the wrong house number on a work order and his employees ripped up the wrong driveway.

3. Not offering to help. You come across as a team player when you do. One young woman would ask her boss before she left for the day, “Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave.” She quickly rose up the corporate ladder.

4. Not staying current with changes in your profession. You don’t want to be left behind. Continue learning. Stay abreast of any trends in your field. Take advantage of any training your company offers. Stay up-to-date with technology, including social media.

5. Not being friendly. People don’t like to work with others that ignore them. Smile. Make an effort to say “hello” “good morning,” etc. to people that you know and don’t know.

6. Not conveying enthusiasm for your job. Show interest in your work. Be eager to get the job done. Arrive on time or early. Stay late when necessary. Give sincere compliments. Speak well of others, avoid downbeat topics and stop complaining. Don’t criticize your employer, boss or co-workers on your social media sites.

7. Not having a professional demeanor. You want to convey a confident and credible image. Be aware of your verbal and nonverbal communication. Are you speaking too softly or loudly? Are you dressing appropriately for your position? Do you use filler words (“ok,” “alright,” “like”) that take away from your comments?

Twitter Use Increasing…New Book Offers Guidelines

2010-12-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

GREET! EAT! TWEET! 52 Business Etiquette Postings To Avoid Pitfalls & Boost Your Career is available and couldn’t have been timelier.

A recent survey by the Pew Research Center found that Twitter is used by 8 percent of online Americans. And 72 percent of Twitter users post updates about their personal life, activities or interests—which means there can be lots of opportunities for people to tweet comments that can affect their careers. Remember the headline: Twitter Can Get You Fired In 140 Characters Or Less.

Clearly there was a need for a business etiquette book that includes advice on Twitter, and other social media platforms.

GREET! EAT! TWEET! is my ninth book on business etiquette and the only one to discuss Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Blogs, YouTube, etc. My first book, The Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook, in 1995, helped set the standard for the relatively new business etiquette field, but had very little about technology in the workplace. The books that followed in 2001, 2004 and 2006 did discuss technology, including e-mail, voicemail, cell phones and the Internet. They didn’t include information on Twitter. It wasn’t possible as the first Twitter status update was sent on March 21, 2006 by Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey.

This latest book is a compilation of 52 of my favorite blogs, and as a result, uses social media to continue to establish etiquette guidelines for the ever-changing workplace. Weekly blogs discuss the most current and up-to-date ideas and recommendations as they evolve from today’s world.

Businesspeople like the timely commentary and suggestions that the blog delivers, and asked me to create an easy-to-read guide for quick reference. Topics in GREET! EAT! TWEET! include:

• Tweets, Posts and Requests: Avoid Costly Mistakes With Social Media
• Mistakes People Make When Calling or E-mailing a Potential Client.
• Be Career Smart: Maintain a Positive Attitude in Tough Times
• Social Networking Tips for Professionals
• How To Disagree Agreeably: An Etiquette Tip From the President
• New-Job Jitters: Tips for Workers Returning to the Workplace

Whether you are new to the workplace, eager for a promotion or desperately seeking employment, GREET! EAT! TWEET! will help you project a professional image in today’s competitive business world.

Signed copies are available from my website www.pachter.com. Other outlets include Amazon.com or bookstores.

Happy holidays and best wishes for a great 2011!

Champagne, Your Career and the Holiday Party

2010-12-06T07:33:00.000-08:00

Many news organizations have recently published my annual list of holiday party guidelines. The suggestions encourage employees to enjoy the celebration without making career-damaging mistakes.

If you haven’t seen the list online or in your local paper, here are the 7 guidelines for office party success:

1. Remember to RSVP. Let people know that you will attend. And provide a very good reason if you cannot. It’s a business activity and you will be expected to participate.

2. Don’t post negative opinions about the party on your social media sites. Tweeting that you don’t want to attend isn’t appropriate. Also, do not post on Facebook, during or after the event, photos that show or comments that describe someone’s unbecoming behavior.

3. Schmooze with people. Keep the conversation upbeat. Complaining about the company or the economy is a downer. Don’t talk negatively about others. Talk to people you know and don’t know. And remember that the person you meet at the party may turn out to be the person who interviews you for your next job.

4. Dress appropriately. It may be a party, but your attire needs to be suitable for a business event, not a nightclub.

5. Do not get drunk. To stay sober set a limit for yourself before you go to the event. Or, order a drink you don’t like and sip it slowly all night. It’s easy do something outrageous when you’ve had too much to drink.

6. Pay attention to your posture. Stand tall. Poor posture tells others that you are uncomfortable or bored. Don’t slouch. You want to appear confident.

7. Say “goodbye” and “thank you” to the host or party organizers. You will usually want to send a thank-you note, also.

Happy holidays.

Don’t Text An Apology: Texting Etiquette Guidelines For Business

2010-11-29T06:06:00.000-08:00

I admit it. I am not a huge football fan. But many of my seminar participants enjoy the game and I will use football stories to illustrate learning points. Consider the following recent headlines about Vince Young, the Tennessee Titans quarterback, who texted an apology to his coach. They illustrate that texting is not always the appropriate way to communicate.

• Titans coach not impressed with Young apologizing via text

• Young texted apology, says Fisher, who'd prefer face-to-face

• Former Titans QB offers great apology… in the worst format possible

Texting can be an unobtrusive way to contact someone, and a fast and informal way to exchange information. Yet, if you are texting colleagues, bosses or employees, you want to be professional. Follow these suggestions so your texting is suitable for business:

1. Don’t text an apology. As Vince Young learned, many people prefer a personal discussion. Apologize in person, when you can. If that is not possible, the telephone is the next best alternative.

2. Give negative feedback in person. Same reasoning as above. But you can send good news via text. This way the person receives the information immediately.

3. Be cautious if changing meeting times or venues in a text. The attendees may not have checked their phones in time.

4. Don’t quit your job in a text. Speak to your boss. You don’t want to burn your bridges. You may need a reference in the future.

5. Chose your words carefully. Be aware of your tone. You may sound harsher than you intended.

6. Be careful with abbreviations. Using short cuts has become more common in the business world, but make sure it’s appropriate for u to be that informal! Plus, the receiver of the text needs to know their meanings. A colleague received “np” after thanking someone for his help. It took him a few moments to figure out that “np” meant “no problem.”

7. Don’t email from your phone and use text shortcuts. One woman emailed her thank-you note after a job interview from her phone, and inadvertently used abbreviations. She didn’t get the job as a result.

8. Don’t text under the table during a presentation. It’s noticeable and distracting to the speaker.

9. Don’t drink and text. You can easily say something you will regret later.

Don’t Wave Your Hand Over The Glass …And Other Wine Suggestions

2010-11-15T09:38:00.000-08:00

A dining scene from Last Holiday, a 2006 comedy with Queen Latifah, caught my attention recently as I was channel surfing. Watching people dine in formal restaurants can provide good stories for my etiquette seminars—think Pretty Woman and escargot flying across the room.

This fun movie was no exception. During the meal a diner put his hand over his glass to signal that he didn’t want any more wine--just as the waiter poured the wine onto his hand!

Listed below is the way to avoid a wet hand, plus additional suggestions to feel more comfortable with wine:

1. Avoid gesturing. If you don’t want any more wine, simply say “No, thank you” to the waiter.

2. Learn about wine. If you are the host, you are in charge of the wine selection. You can defer to your guests, but then you may end up with a $300 bottle of wine that was not in your budget. There are many books and websites with lots of information about wine. You can also take a class at an adult school or wine store.

3. Use my acronym LaCEST™ to help you remember the wine-tasting steps:

• La stands for Label. The wine steward will show you the label from your bottle. You look at the label and nod approval that you have received the wine you ordered.

• C stands for Cork. The wine steward opens the bottle and places the cork on the table. Check the cork. The cork shouldn’t be dry and crumbly.

• E stands for Examine. The wine steward pours a small amount of wine into your glass. Examine the appearance of the wine. Check the color and clarity.

• S stands for Swirl/Smell. Gently swirl the wine to release the aroma and then take a sniff. If you like what you smell, chances are that it will be a good bottle.

• T stands for Taste. Take a sip and nod approval. You only reject wine if there is a problem with the wine. You don’t send back wine if it is not to your liking. Your guests’ glasses are filled first, and then yours.

Please send me your favorite movie dining mishaps. I would love to add yours to my growing list.

Top Ten Business Clothing Mistakes

2010-10-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

Even in today’s business casual environment, I still get numerous questions from bosses, employees and even journalists about what’s appropriate to wear to work.

Recently a reporter asked about mistakes people make when dressing for work. I thought about what I have seen in business and the recent stories from my seminar participants, and created the following list of the Top Ten Business Clothing Faux Pas:

1. Wearing clothes that are too big. You look like a little kid in your big brother’s or sister’s clothing! Your clothing needs to fit. Wearing oversized clothing often happens when people lose weight and don’t adjust their wardrobes.

2. Showing cleavage. Sexy is not a corporate look. Low-cut tops that expose cleavage draw attention to this body part and are not appropriate in the office. I often coach women on this topic as many bosses are uncomfortable discussing it with their employees.

3. Wearing a bikini when at a pool with business associates. Whether you are going on an award cruise or attending the company picnic, it’s not the time to expose everything! This applies to both men and women.

4. Wearing skirts that are too short. A short skirt draws attention to your legs. Is that where you want people to look? Plus, you can get labeled: A woman named Susan wore very short skirts and her coworkers referred to her as “Suzy Short Skirt.”

5. Having short socks. Short socks or socks that fall down expose skin and hairy legs on men when they sit and/or cross their legs.

6. Drawing attention to your clothing because of your color choices. Do you want to be remembered for what you said or what you wore? A man in one of my seminars wore bright green pants and wanted my opinion. I said his slacks were not typical corporate clothing and as a result, he would probably be referred to as “the man in green pants.”

7. Wearing T-shirts, shirts or ties with inappropriate sayings, pictures or childish designs. A candidate wore a shirt with small teddy bears to an interview. He didn’t get the job; the interviewers just kept talking about his shirt.

8. Ignoring your shoes. People notice shoes. Your shoes should be clean, polished and in good condition. No scruff marks or wore-down heels.

9. Dressing inappropriately for business social events. The company holiday party, conferences or dinner at the boss’s house are still business events and your clothing choices matter.

10. Ignoring your grooming. Clothes need to be clean and pressed. Do not have chipped nail polish or nose hairs that need to be clipped. They become distractions.

What Do 33 Miners And Your Shoes Have In Common?

2010-10-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

Millions around the world held their breath last week as all 33 Chilean miners were slowly and safely brought to the surface. It was an uplifting, exciting story and journalists will be writing about these men and their survival for years.

Many details about their underground ordeal were really remarkable, but one item caught my attention and made me smile. When the men were preparing to leave the mine, they asked for shoe polish. I bet their loved ones didn’t care whether their shoes were polished, but the miners wanted to look their best when reunited with their families.

Chileans take great pride in their personal appearance. Shoes are one of the little things that help make up your image. (They are one of the 601 little things discussed in my book When The Little Things Count…And They Always Count.)

Your shoe choice at work can also be significant. Others form an impression of you based upon what they see. A recruiter told me that he always notices the condition of a candidate’s shoes. It tells him whether the person is paying attention to the details. Another manager wouldn’t hire someone because the man wore sneakers to the interview. He believed that the candidate didn’t understand the importance of the position.

Make sure your shoes are in good condition, polished, good quality and appropriate for your outfit.

Clearly first impressions mattered to the miners. They should matter to all of us!

Business Meals and Dietary Concerns

2010-10-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

Recently a young woman asked if being a vegetarian would be a problem in the business world. She was looking for work and expressing concern about what to order when her interviews take place at restaurants.

One time she had told the interviewer she wasn’t hungry and didn’t order anything. But by not eating, she felt excluded from the other people at the table. She stood out, she said, but in a bad way.

Another time she ordered a vegetable plate, but it turned out to be small plate of vegetables. The interviewer became very concerned about her meal and encouraged her to order more. She felt uncomfortable since his attention was being focused on her food choice and not on her skills.

I suggested that in the future she or anyone with dietary restrictions order a double house salad as a main course. It is usually served on a larger dinner plate and will often look like a main entree. A plate of pasta can also work.

Another suggestion is to check out the restaurant’s menu ahead of time to see if there is anything suitable to eat. You’ll appear finicky if you spend a lot of time at the table trying to decide your order. The menu is usually on the restaurant’s website. You can also call the restaurant to find out the ingredients in an item, if not able to eat certain foods because of allergies, or religious or health reasons.

Whether you are interviewing or entertaining customers during a meal, you can use the above suggestions to concentrate on business, not on your food choices.

Questions...and Answers About the Handshake

2010-09-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

The handshake can be big news. Consider these headlines:

French World Cup Coach Refuses Handshake With South Africa’s Coach

Bush Wipes Hand On Clinton’s Shirt After Shaking Hands In Haiti

Obama Fist-Bump Rocks The Nation

The headlines could explain why I get so many questions about the handshake from both seasoned professionals and new hires. Many of them haven’t been taught the ins and outs of the handshake. It’s not usually part of a college curriculum.

People send their handshake questions to me via email or ask them during my business etiquette seminars. My blog on August 24 talks about how to shake hands. Other concerns are covered in these recent questions:

What do you do if you can’t shake hands? One woman emailed that she doesn’t want to shake hands because she has arthritis in her hands. She explained, “I am re-entering the job market after a period of retirement and wondering how I can gracefully discourage handshaking.” My answer was to smile and say something, like, “My arthritis is acting up, I’m sorry, I’m unable to shake hands.”

Is it okay to use the fist-bump in the corporate world? The handshake is still the business greeting in the United States and people expect a handshake. I also think it’s too easy to miss the other person’s fist.

I am worried about germs. Do I have to greet people with a handshake? The answer is similar to the one above: people are expecting you to shake their hands and you are excluding yourself from them, if you don’t. If concerned after shaking someone’s hand, find a reason to excuse yourself and go wash your hands. Or, use a hand sanitizer discreetly.

Is it appropriate for the other person to place his or her thumb on top of mine? The thumb should be bent, as illustrated in the photo.

If you have other handshake questions, feel free to email them to me at bpachter@pachter.com.

Outshine the Competition: The 3 Ps for Success

2010-09-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

Recently I read an article in The Philadelphia Inquirer about Howie Roseman, the new General Manager of the Philadelphia Eagles. The headline, His Perseverance Paid Off. The GM…was relentless in his efforts to be hired and heard, reinforced my belief that there are three key characteristics or qualities for success in business and in life. I call them the three Ps: Perseverance, Personality and Polish.

• Perseverance. The dictionary defines perseverance as steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose …especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. In other words you don’t give up and you find ways around roadblocks.

• Personality. Be an outgoing, friendly person, whether it comes naturally to you or not. Make an effort to greet people, find time for small talk and mingle at business and business-social events. Help others when you can.

• Polish. You want to look confident and credible. You dress like a professional and practice good grooming. You stand tall, your body language is open, and you look people in the eye. You walk into a room like you belong there, because you do!

Of course, your smarts are important, but mastering the three Ps will help you outshine the competition. Fortunately the three Ps involve a number of skills that can be mastered. What skills do you need to develop? Take some time for honest reflection. It may be time to go back to school, attend some training, read a book or find a mentor.

(This article originally ran as the President’s message in my newsletter. Since we received many positive comments on the article, it is reprinted here. )

Be Direct: Stand Up for Yourself

2010-09-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

A colleague wanted to know my opinion about a young woman who quit her job after she overheard her boss make a disparaging remark about her.

She had creatively resigned by sending an email to her boss and her 22 coworkers that contained a series of photographs where she held a dry eraser board with a different comment explaining her reasons for resigning.

The disparaging remark was given as a reason in one of the photographs. In another, she said that working with her boss had been a special h***. In others, she said that the boss had a temper, bad breath and spent a lot of time on the web doing non-work related activities.

Many people, including my colleague, thought she was very clever in her resignation approach.

I agree she was clever …and passive. She failed to act in her own best interest. She never told her boss that she was offended by his comment. She quit a good job without having another one.

Learning to say I’m offended by your comment can be difficult. Yet, using this assertive sentence provides the possibility of eliminating bad behavior in others, improving your relationship and feeling good about yourself.

Had she told her boss she was offended, it is feasible that he would have felt some remorse. He may have stopped making negative comments about her or may have looked at her differently because she confronted him directly. Her working relationship with him may have improved.

Of course, there was the chance that nothing she would have said would have made a difference. But, as I discuss in my book The Power of Positive Confrontation, what did she have to lose by trying? Unfortunately, she’ll never know. She quit her job before she could find out.
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The Importance of Saying Thank You

2010-09-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

I admit it. Since I teach etiquette, I say thank you a lot. Before E-ZPass started, I would say thank you to the ticket machines on the New Jersey turnpike!

My son knew at an early age the importance of saying thank you. One night when he was a toddler, I said to Jacob, "It's time for bed." He smiled and responded, "Oh, no thank you, Mommy."

If someone helps you, goes above and beyond for you, or gives you a compliment on your work, it's polite to say thank you. Plus, there can be negative consequences if you don't. One woman said that she gave a reference for a colleague looking for work. The man got the job, but he never thanked her. She said she would never help him again.

Recently, I received an email from a seminar participant that had me rethink the concept of saying thank you. The woman wanted to know if someone could say thank you too many times.

The answer is yes. It is true that you can say thank you too often. You only need to say it once or twice. Otherwise, it can dilute its value and make you seem helpless and needy.

Thank you for being part of my blog.

Is Your Handshake Affecting Your Career Prospects?

2010-08-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

A recent CareerBuilder survey of hiring managers found that an applicant's body language can hurt his or her chances of landing a job. In fact, 26 percent of those surveyed said that a weak handshake would make them less likely to hire someone.

It may sound shocking that having a weak handshake can affect your job prospects, yet people routinely make assumptions about others based on the quality of their handshakes. Be honest. What do you think about someone who gives you a limp handshake? That the person is insecure? A pushover? Uncertain? Would you want someone with a limp handshake working for you?

At this point you may be wondering: Aren't experience, skills, and education more important? Of course, they are crucial. They help you get the interview. But presenting yourself professionally during the interview gets you the job--and an important requirement of a professional demeanor is having an effective handshake.

Not only will a weak handshake affect your hiring possibilities, it can also affect your ability to connect with colleagues, bosses, clients and potential customers.

I was amazed to discover that a fair number of people in my seminars did not shake hands correctly. Follow these guidelines so that your handshake sends the right message about you.

1. Stand. Both men and women need to be standing.

2. Make eye contact.

3. Extend your hand with the thumb up and have thumb joints meet. Put your thumb down and wrap your fingers around the palm of the other person.

4. Your grip should be firm, but not bone-breaking. Two to three pumps are enough.

The handshake is a little thing; it is one of the 601 little things that I discuss in my book When The Little Things Count...And They Always Count. Yet, little things can have big consequences. Remember to make sure you shake hands correctly.

Etiquette Niceties When Visiting Others

2010-08-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

A colleague told me that her son’s girlfriend was visiting and she asked her to help make the salad for dinner. The young woman said “no.” She was stunned by the response, and made the salad herself.

I couldn’t believe that someone would refuse to help, but my colleague assured me that she wasn’t making up the incident.

The story made me realize that in today’s fast-paced world, many people don’t know or forget the etiquette niceties needed when visiting with family, friends or colleagues. And since it's the height of the summer vacation season, here are some general guidelines when visiting others:

Remember you are a guest. It is not your home. Pay attention to how others live. Putting your feet on the coffee table in your family room may be OK, but it may not be OK in your host’s family room.

Bring a small gift. It’s a thoughtful way to show that you appreciate the kindness of your host. A friend stayed with us one night during our vacation and the next morning brought us fresh donuts. We immediately invited him to stay longer! If you are staying a few days with someone, buying your host dinner and/or paying for groceries is very considerate.

Offer to help. The host shouldn’t wait on you. Offer to help with preparing meals and/or organizing any activities.

Clean up after yourself. Your visit shouldn’t make more work for your host.

Say thank you; send a note. When leaving, say thank you and follow up with a handwritten or email note. My son’s friend recently sent a wonderful handwritten thank-you note after her visit. She can visit again anytime!

Etiquette Rules for the Sidewalk…and Other Walkways

2010-08-09T07:24:00.001-07:00

Etiquette rules for the sidewalk? Sounds strange, doesn’t it. I’ll explain.

I’m a walker and just returned from a week at the beach where my friend and I walked almost every day. And since we walk about five miles each time, we pass a number of people along the way.

This vacation we noticed that navigating the sidewalks had became difficult. After my friend almost collided with someone, she exclaimed, “Barbara, you need to set some etiquette guidelines for the sidewalk!” I have gotten similar comments from employees about navigating the hallways at work.

Both the sidewalk and hallway involve the concept of sharing space with others, which I identify in my book The Power of Positive Confrontation as a potential cause for conflict. Yet, you can pass through these common spaces politely by following these simple guidelines:

1. Greet people. If you make eye contact with people, acknowledge them with a “hello” or “good morning.” Remember you don’t need to know someone to say hello to them. And if someone says hello to you, you have to say “hello” back. It’s not optional!

2. Make room for others. If you are walking with other people and taking up the whole sidewalk/hallway, it’s your responsibility to make room for someone coming the other way.

3. Pay attention to your surroundings. When you stop to chat with people and block the sidewalk/hallway, it’s your responsibility to move aside and let others pass.

4. Say “thank you.” If you are pushing a baby stroller and people are stepping off the sidewalk to let you pass, say “thank you.”

I don’t think people are deliberately trying to be rude—they’re often oblivious to their behavior and how it affects others.

Etiquette Rules for the Sidewalk…and Other Walkways

2010-08-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

Etiquette rules for the sidewalk? Sounds strange, doesn’t it. I’ll explain.

I’m a walker and just returned from a week at the beach where my friend and I walked almost every day. And since we walk about five miles each time, we pass a number of people along the way.

This vacation we noticed that navigating the sidewalks had became difficult. After my friend almost collided with someone, she exclaimed, “Barbara, you need to set some etiquette guidelines for the sidewalk!” I have gotten similar comments from employees about navigating the hallways at work.

Both the sidewalk and hallway involve the concept of sharing space with others, which I identify in my book The Power of Positive Confrontation as a potential cause for conflict. Yet, you can pass through these common spaces politely by following these simple guidelines:

1. Greet people. If you make eye contact with people, acknowledge them with a “hello” or “good morning.” Remember you don’t need to know someone to say hello to them. And if someone says hello to you, you have to say “hello” back. It’s not optional!

2. Make room for others. If you are walking with other people and taking up the whole sidewalk/hallway, it’s your responsibility to make room for someone coming the other way.

3. Pay attention to your surroundings. When you stop to chat with people and block the sidewalk/hallway, it’s your responsibility to move aside and let others pass.

4. Say “thank you.” If you are pushing a baby stroller and people are stepping off the sidewalk to let you pass, say “thank you.”

I don’t think people are deliberating trying to be rude—they’re often oblivious to their behavior and how it affects others.

Presentation Skills Around the World: If You’re Putting on a “Dog and Pony Show,” Where Are the Dogs and Ponies?

2010-07-26T06:42:00.001-07:00

A South American employee at a large company in the US was asked to meet a colleague in the parking lot at 5 p.m. “on the dot.” He became really frustrated when he arrived at the lot and couldn’t find the dot!

I teach a new seminar, Presentation Skills for Speakers of English as a Second Language (ESL); it’s a variation of my regular presentation skills class. In this class we get to emphasize the language and cultural issues that can affect ESL speakers when making a presentation in the US. Here are two of them:

--The use of jargon, as the above example illustrates, can cause confusion. Another participant in a seminar told of her bewilderment when she was being assigned a project that was considered a “hot potato.” In the US we use a lot of jargon and when you think about some of the expressions, they can seem strange. Can anyone really explain why “raining cats and dogs” makes any sense?

--Volume is a powerful nonverbal that can vary greatly among cultures. There is an Asian proverb that says “loudness is a sign of lack of refinement.” Yet in the US, we have the saying, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Using your voice powerfully, including speaking loudly enough to be heard, can help you command attention when making a presentation in the US.

As a former ESL teacher I know that there are many differences in presentation styles around the globe. Understanding these differences, whether speaking English as a first or second language, can help make you a successful speaker wherever you are in the world.

Avoid the Use of the Word “But,” But…

2010-07-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

We discuss the use of the word “but” in my assertive classes. For many people “but” can be a red flag. When they hear it, they stop listening. For example, if a boss said to someone, “You did a nice job but…” the employee knows that what follows won't be complimentary. The use of the word “but” implies that bad news is coming. It’s generally more effective to use the word “and.” You did a nice job and it would be more effective if….

Last week during the discussion a sales representative jumped in and excitedly asked, “But, but, but, aren’t there times you want to use “but”?

After the class stopped laughing, I responded that she was right. There are times you may choose to use “but,” especially if you want to contradict something—which she just did. An example would be, “I usually don’t participate in the meetings, but there are times that I add my input.”

If you're aware of your word choice when using "but," you're more likely to use it appropriately.

The Power of “Going To Lunch”

2010-07-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

Business lunches provide business opportunities. This is a straightforward statement yet one with important implications.

Take interviewing for a job, for example. Often the second or third interview for a job will occur at a meal. And how you behave at this out-of-office activity can determine whether you get the job offer.

Business lunches can also mend fences. Years ago my mentor told me after a particularly difficult encounter with a counterpart, “When the going gets tough with someone, take the person to lunch.” She was right. I asked the man to lunch and, as a result, we were able to work through our differences outside of the corporate environment.

Lunches can also be acts of kindness. A colleague recently told me that when she was new to a big company, another woman from her department came up to her desk and asked, “You’re new here. Do you want to go to lunch?” They did go to lunch, and it made her transition to the company easier and the beginning of a long-term business relationship and personal friendship between the two women.

As soon as I heard that story I knew it would become part of a blog! What a gracious way to help others. Why don’t you ask someone to lunch when you can?

An Etiquette Request: Remember To Give Your Name

2010-06-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

I have an etiquette request. Please remember to introduce yourself after someone has introduced him- or herself to you. I know this may seem like a little thing, but it’s important.

Let me explain. Before most of my seminars begin, I shake hands with each participant and say, “Hi, I’m Barbara Pachter, your instructor. Welcome and enjoy the day.” Many people respond appropriately and will introduce themselves, also.

When this etiquette give-and-take occurs, it paves the way for a connection between the two people and makes it easier for conversation to begin.

Yet, there are some participants who don’t give their names. They just shake hands or shake hands and only say “Hi.” An awkward silence usually follows and I will often jump in and politely ask, “And, you are?”

When people don’t respond with their names, they appear shy, timid or standoffish. As a result, making a connection or starting a conversation can be more difficult.

Not giving one’s name does not just occur in my seminars! People tell me the same thing happens to them when they attend meetings and introduce themselves to the people sitting next to them.

Why do people do this? In my classes I do know that some people are startled. They are not expecting the instructor to practice this protocol. A woman recently sent me a thank-you note emphasizing how much she enjoyed meeting me before the seminar started. She hadn’t experienced this with other instructors. Other reasons that people don’t give their names include being preoccupied or simply not knowing to do it.

Monitor yourself. Pay attention when people introduce themselves and, please, respond back with your name.

Have a Normal Ring, Please!

2010-06-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

I like music. I really do. Yet I believe business people need to be careful with the songs they choose as their ring tones. You don’t want to have a ring tone that startles others. Let me share some examples.

In the middle of an important pitch for business, Dancing Queen, a very lively and energetic song from ABBA, started playing--and kept playing. The cell phone’s owner, who was trying to sell her services, wasn’t able to find the phone as it was buried in her purse. She was embarrassed.

Hallelujah lets a man know he is receiving one of the infrequent calls from his son. His coworkers jump every time it happens.

And in the middle of a business speech, Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me started playing loudly from the speaker’s pocket. The man had borrowed his daughter’s phone and didn’t know her ring tone. As he frantically tried to turn off the phone, the audience laughed even more. (I know the man hadn’t chosen this ring tone, but it's too good an example not to share!)

I know people like music, I really do. So please, if my stories haven’t convinced you to use a standard ring tone, remember to put your phone on vibrate.

Do I Really Have to Invite Them? Invitation Guidelines for Work

2010-06-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

A neighbor told me that at work he goes to lunch with the same three people everyday. Yet when one of the three was hosting a holiday party, he only invited two of his lunch buddies. My neighbor, who was the one not invited, was offended.

Sometimes we need to remember the basic etiquette rules that many of us learned in kindergarten about inviting classmates to your party. If you invite most of the people in a group, you need to invite everyone from the group. Or, you can invite just one or two people, as long as they don’t make up the majority of the group.

I am often asked a similar question about inviting work friends to your wedding: Do I need to invite my whole department?

My answer is the same. If you invite only one or two close friends, you don’t have to invite the whole department. But if you invite most of the people from your department, you should invite them all. There may, of course, be exceptions. For example, there may be people you rarely see since they work in a different location.

And remember, don’t discuss your event with a group of people, unless all of them have been invited to attend!

If Crossing Your Legs Makes You A Lady, What Does It Do To Matt Lauer?

2010-06-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

During an etiquette seminar last week, a participant asked what I thought about Elena Kagan (Supreme Court nominee) not crossing her legs like a lady.

Unable to answer as I was unfamiliar with the story, I researched the topic after the seminar. It turns out that Robin Givhan, the fashion critic of the Washington Post wrote about Kagan’s sitting position during her meeting with Senator Amy Klobuchar. In the photograph that appeared with the story, Kagan had both legs firmly planted on the floor; Klobuchar had her legs crossed. Other journalists weighed in on Givhans’s story and one headline asked Why Kagan Won’t Cross Her Legs Like a Lady?

My first thought was why are journalists discussing the sitting posture for a Supreme Court nominee? Givhan had indicated that since so many women sit with their legs crossed, Kagan could not be bullied into conformity. As a former photographer I know that sometimes a photograph is just a photograph! Other pictures from that that meeting may have shown Kagan sitting in other positions.

Yes, a lot of women sit with their legs crossed, and the important points to remember about this posture include:

Not for women only. Both men and women sit with their legs crossed. Tween idol Justin Bieber recently did an impression of Matt Lauer on the TODAY Show which included crossing his legs as Lauder often does during interviews. So much for being a lady!

Crossing your legs can be distracting. If a woman wears a short skirt and crosses her legs, she produces a very sexy, too thigh-revealing image!

The bottom line is that crossing your legs is bad for your circulation as it puts increased pressure on your veins. We shouldn’t do it, and we shouldn’t judge a potential Supreme Court justice on whether she does or doesn’t do it.

Conversation Starters…In The Air And Everywhere Else

2010-05-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

Shortly after sitting down on a recent Southwest Airlines flight, I remarked to the woman sitting next to me, “I have been a vegetarian for 20 years, but I have to tell you, your hamburger smells delicious!” She laughed and we started to talk. During our conversation she asked if I wanted drink coupons, as she had extras. I accepted the offer. What a nice benefit to talking to your seatmate.

As I was enjoying my glass of wine, I looked closely at the remaining coupons and realized that they included tips on how to start a conversation. It made my day! Since I teach etiquette, I am always pleased when companies provide suggestions.

The Southwest “Conversation Starters” were questions you could ask the person sitting next to you, like “When was the first time you flew Southwest Airlines? Where did you go?”

In addition to using questions, you can also use the following suggestions. These examples can be used on planes…and just about everywhere else.

Make a self-revelation. My statement about being a vegetarian was an example of a self- revelation. Keep all comments relevant and positive.

Comment on your surroundings. “I just read that book. It’s great. I promise I won’t tell you the ending.”

Give a sincere compliment. "That’s a gorgeous coat. Did you buy it on your trip?"

And if the person doesn’t respond to your conversation starter, don’t take it personally and don’t keep trying. Your seatmate may really need some sleep!

Did I Really Just Do That? Tips For Interviewing On Skype

2010-05-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

By Guest Blogger Joyce Hoff, Pachter & Associates’ Training Director

In addition to my work at Pachter & Associates, I am an officer of a non-profit organization. As a result, I have had many opportunities to interview and hire professionals. Recently I participated in a job search for a new Education Director, using Skype as an initial resource in the interview process.

Observing job-seekers on Skype made it clear to me that many people don’t know how to use this technology to their best advantage. Here are six suggestions to help you interview effectively on Skype:

1. Remember you are creating a snapshot of yourself. Use a non-distracting background that is clear and uncluttered. Make sure your location has good lighting. Be careful if you have a window behind you. If it is bright outside, you will appear dark. Run a test with a friend or colleague to make sure you look good in your surroundings.

2. Control interruptions. No phones ringing, people walking in and out of your room, children yelling or dogs barking.

3. Make sure your clothing is appropriate. Just because you are not “in-person” does not mean the interviewer cannot see what you are wearing. And don’t assume only your upper body is showing. Dress professionally from head to toe!

4. Allow plenty of time before the interview to test the equipment. Five minutes before the interview is not the time to find out that your Skype connection is not working.

5. Don’t be late making the connection. Sign on early. There are people waiting for you and judging you on your promptness.

6. Smile. Let your personality shine through. Speak audibly and clearly. Talk to the camera. And just as in any interview, be prepared for the questions.

Companies often pre-screen candidates on Skype before bringing potential employees into the main office for an “in-person” meeting. Paying attention to these suggestions will help you present yourself professionally, and move to the next step in the interview process.

Why Business Etiquette?

2010-01-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

For my first blog for 2010, I wanted to share a question recently asked of me by a journalist for a major business publication. She was questioning why I need to teach business etiquette and why I write my blog on the topic. She said, “Business etiquette is not rocket science. Don't people know this stuff?”

I responded, “Yes, it's true business etiquette is not rocket science, but it is an invaluable skill set.”

And it is a skill set that not everybody knows: Good manners are not alway taught at home, and even when they are, new guidelines are always appearing since business etiquette evolves with the times. Think about the Blackberry or even e-mail. Your mothers could not have taught you to be polite using them, these items didn't exist when most of us were growing up.

It is also a skill set that not everyone practices: Even when people know good manners, they don't always use them or use them consistently.

So as we enter 2010, I will continue to teach and write about business etiquette. I believe that knowing and practicing good business etiquette can be helpful to you and your career. Feel free to share your experiences on this blog. We can learn from each other.

Happy New Year!

Tis’ the Season for Office Parties

2009-12-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

A young man got drunk at his holiday party, cursed out his boss and got fired on the spot. The next day he couldn’t understand why his badge didn’t work. He had gotten fired and had no recollection of it!

With the holiday season upon us, many people will have the opportunity to attend holiday events and office parties. Although a time to celebrate and relax, how you behave at these business social events can impact your career.

Follow these 5 simple guidelines to successfully navigate your holiday event or office party.

1. Attend and mingle. Attendance at the company holiday party isn’t optional. Your absence will be noticed, and most likely, noted by your boss and other higher ups. Talk to people you know and don’t know. The person that you meet at the party may ultimately be the person that will be interviewing you for your next job.

2. Dress appropriately. It may be a party, but it’s still business. Nothing too short, too low, too tight or too anything.

3. Do not get drunk. To stay sober set a limit for yourself before you go to the party. It is much easier to limit your intake that way. Or, order a drink you don’t like and sip it slowly all night. Remember it is really easy to lose control if you have had too much to drink.

4. Pay attention to your body language. Even if the party is dull, it is bad manners to let others see how bored you are. Don’t frown, slouch, cross arms or yawn.

5. Don’t say anything negative about the party on your social media sites. This also means no posting of any unflattering photos of people on Facebook or sending tweets about someone’s unbecoming behavior.

Joining a Professional Association: Is It Worth It? Yes!

2009-11-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

By Brianna Rozzi, Pachter & Associates Intern and Guest Blogger

With busy schedules and a tight economy, it might seem unnecessary to join a professional association in your industry. But do not be fooled, professional associations have much to offer to further your career.

• Network. Through meetings and events, you are able to network with other people in your industry. Find out what’s going on in the industry through word of mouth and make connections that can be useful throughout your career.

• Be recognized for your achievements. Many organizations recognize businesses and individuals for their best practices and accomplishments. This is a great way to get you or your business publicity and attention in your industry. News travels fast and the people you work with as well as prospective clients can catch wind of the news.

• Catch up on new practices. New techniques enter your industry? Don’t understand social media? Professional associations have local chapters that hold monthly meetings and regional and annual conferences that discuss current practices as well as emerging trends.

• The Trade Publication. Most professional associations have a trade publication that is distributed to the entire membership, providing up-to-date information or research about your profession

Stop Using the Blackberry Under the Table

2009-10-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

A major company lost a large contract because one of their executives used his Blackberry under the table during a meeting with a potential client.

There is a learning curve with new technology. I rarely have to remind people anymore to turn off their cell phones in meetings, avoid all caps in an email, or speak slowly when leaving their phone number on voicemail. These technologies have been around for a while.

Yet the Blackberry can still cause us difficulty.

A woman in my training class last week complained that her employees constantly use their Blackberries under the table during meetings. She wanted to know what to do. I told her Blackberry misuse will get better over time as people learn from their mistakes and etiquette experts weigh in. Until then, I suggested that she needed to set guidelines for her employees. I told her about a president of a company that had established a new policy. He instructed his senior staff to leave their Blackberries outside their weekly meeting room and arranged a special case to store them.

Wives have also established guidelines. A man brought his Blackberry to the dinner table and his wife said, “It’s either me or the Blackberry.” He thought for a moment and then put the Blackberry away!

2009-03-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

Welcome
Hello and welcome to Pachter’s Pointers: Business Etiquette Tips and Career Suggestions, the official blog for Pachter & Associates. I am Barbara Pachter.

It took me awhile to enter the blogosphere, but upon request from clients, I am finally here. After more than 20 years of teaching business etiquette and writing eight books on the topic, I still have a surplus of information to share.

I am looking forward to keeping you updated with tips for business success, examples of smart career moves and business blunders, and advice for your career that battles the current economy’s lows and woes.

My goal is to blog at least once a week. Check back frequently or subscribe to become your own expert on business etiquette and communication.

My next post is about tips for job hunting when times are tough. You may have seen me discussing this topic on Comcast CN8 a couple of weeks ago. I received a lot of good feedback after the broadcast, so I thought it would be good one to share with you. Enjoy.

Barbara Pachter's Blog: Pachter's Pointers

Business Cards in a Social Media World

Look Good! Social Media Guidelines for Photographs

7 Regifting Guidelines for the Holidays

The Etiquette of Talking TO Your Phone

Take a Child to Lunch: A Holiday Gift To Remember

8 Travel-Smart Tips for the Holidays

What To Do If You Are Interrupted—Don’t Shout!

Top Ten Things To Avoid When Making a Sales Presentation

Someone Else’s Bad Behavior Is No Excuse For Your Own!

A Dilemma: How To Use Restaurant Coupons...Politely

How To Treat The Wait Staff With Respect

Do You Talk Too Much? Let Me Count The Ways!

How to “Keep In Touch”

How To Avoid Mistakes In Email: Four Surefire Suggestions

The Importance of Expressing Thanks

How To Dress for a Promotion

10 Rookie Job-Hunting Mistakes

Are You Open to Feedback?

Another Clothing Milestone: Has Pantyhose Disappeared From The Workplace?

Interviewing Tips For Everyone

Stop Complaining: Learn to Speak Up!

Moving on? The Etiquette for Leaving a Job

No Pouting: 7 Steps to Handle Criticism

Email Etiquette: LOL, Exit Emails and More

The 8 Deadly Sins of Executive Dining

Are You Listening to Voicemail Messages?

Presenting to a Difficult Audience? 5 Suggestions for Success

Managing Your Mingling Misgivings

Word Choice Etiquette: I Think You Should Avoid “I Think”

5 Ways To Deliver Difficult News

Still Working? 7 Ways To Stay Vibrant When Over 50 or 60!

One Man’s Journey To Career Success

Speak up! We Can’t Hear You

Become A Mentor: It’s A Two-Way Street!

Obama’s Words Put Into Practice

You Had Lobster And I Had Chicken--The Etiquette Of Splitting The Bill

Avoiding the Seven Deadly Sins Committed by Workers

Twitter Use Increasing…New Book Offers Guidelines

Champagne, Your Career and the Holiday Party

Don’t Text An Apology: Texting Etiquette Guidelines For Business

Don’t Wave Your Hand Over The Glass …And Other Wine Suggestions

More Questions About Business Dress

Top Ten Business Clothing Mistakes

What Do 33 Miners And Your Shoes Have In Common?

Business Meals and Dietary Concerns

Questions...and Answers About the Handshake

Outshine the Competition: The 3 Ps for Success

Be Direct: Stand Up for Yourself

The Importance of Saying Thank You

Is Your Handshake Affecting Your Career Prospects?

Etiquette Niceties When Visiting Others

Etiquette Rules for the Sidewalk…and Other Walkways

Etiquette Rules for the Sidewalk…and Other Walkways

Presentation Skills Around the World: If You’re Putting on a “Dog and Pony Show,” Where Are the Dogs and Ponies?

Avoid the Use of the Word “But,” But…

The Power of “Going To Lunch”

An Etiquette Request: Remember To Give Your Name

Have a Normal Ring, Please!

Do I Really Have to Invite Them? Invitation Guidelines for Work

If Crossing Your Legs Makes You A Lady, What Does It Do To Matt Lauer?

Conversation Starters…In The Air And Everywhere Else

Did I Really Just Do That? Tips For Interviewing On Skype

Why Business Etiquette?

Tis’ the Season for Office Parties

Joining a Professional Association: Is It Worth It? Yes!

Stop Using the Blackberry Under the Table