links

title

Pachter's Pointers:
Business Etiquette Tips & Career Suggestions


4.30.2014

Use These Two Communication ‘Secrets’ To Get What You Want

A mother said to her three-year-old daughter, “When you get a chance, can you please clean your room?”

The young girl responded, “Mom, no, I not gonna get a chance.”

A colleague told me this story about her daughter, and after I stopped laughing, I had to tell her that she hadn't used a little-recognized, yet powerful communication tool. Since she had hired me to teach assertiveness for her organization, I felt comfortable giving her this feedback.

Her stumbling block? My colleague had used a question instead of a direct assertive statement. Using a question (Can you please clean your room?) allows the other person to make the choice, and you may not get what you want. You are being less direct.

Using a direct statement, such as “Sweetie, I want you to clean your room before lunch,” makes it very clear what you expect, and as a result you are more likely to get it. Of course, there are no guarantees with three-year-olds, but even with children, you have a better chance of getting what you want when you are direct.

This “secret” can also work in the workplace. Listen to the difference: “Boss, I would like to go to the conference next week,” versus “Boss, may I go to the conference?” Both are polite, but which one sounds more likely to give the speaker what she wants? The direct statement usually has more success.

The second communication secret was summed up in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. In that movie, Yoda, the Jedi Master, proclaims: "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."  

Be cautious with the use of the word “try,” if you want others to be accountable for their action or inaction. If you say to your employee, “Please try to meet the deadline,” he or she can always say later, “Well, I tried, but something else came up.”

You can be polite and still use a straightforward statement, such as, “I need you to meet the deadline.” As mentioned above, when you are direct, you are more likely to get what you want.

Monitor yourself over the next few days. Is your word choice preventing you from getting what you want?

Additional information on effective communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication and business etiquette. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.

14 comments:

  1. Anonymous5/02/2014

    From a reader:
    "I'm going to have to try this with my 3 year old, and professionally too, of course!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great article!. Will share it with the mothers of my young etiquette students, I am sure they will appreciate the "direct" tip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for writing. I'm glad you found this helpful.

      Delete
  3. Anonymous5/16/2014

    Hi Barbara,
    I just wanted to take a minute to say THANK YOU for taking the time to write these articles. You really post some good pointers which I think really helps a mild-mannered introvert such as myself to be more confident in how I communicate with others. Keep up the good work! :-)

    ~ Steve Gutierrez

    ReplyDelete
  4. A colleague told me this story about her daughter, and after I stopped laughing, I had to tell her that she hadn't use a little-recognized, yet powerful communication tool. Since she had hired me to teach assertiveness for her organization, I felt comfortable giving her this feedback. ip pbx

    ReplyDelete
  5. I found them difficult to get to grips with, and hope that this guide eases the process of using them to achieve communication.yeastar

    ReplyDelete
  6. The medical school admissions process has become incredibly competitive. Applicants should begin the preparation process upon entering college. Smart Custom Writing is not scam Applicants can learn more about effective application strategies here.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You know how to write a reaction paper to an article if you are going to apply for admission or for job? If anybody knows please tell me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Keep in mind that you are accountable for your funds, and you can settle on your own choices.

    ReplyDelete
  9. When your application is presented, the officials will complete the system of confirmation, after which, your advance sum will be stored in your ledger.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dissimilar to a customary or typical mortgage, an auto title credit for the most part has a term of 30 days, albeit some can be made for more.

    ReplyDelete
  11. While some back organizations offer these, the most widely recognized place to get a payday credit from is a business that really has some expertise in brisk money advances like these.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. VivaVideo is incredibly prominent as it uses the functions that don't. vivavideo pc software The powerful video clip editor app allows you.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.