Don’t Take Your Neighbor’s Bread and Other Dining Suggestions

Is it okay to hit on the waitress during a business meal?

Lately, I have taught many dining-etiquette seminars to business professionals and university students around the country. The above question from a young man at a fraternity dinner brought a smile to my face. It is one of many questions that my participants have asked about how to handle themselves at a business meal – though this one was a little more unusual than most.

The answer to the young man’s question was a pleasant, “No... The dinner is a business activity.” He smiled back and said, “I thought you would say that!”

Generally, the questions participants asked were more involved, with many requiring an understanding of the correct placement of dishes and utensils. They included:  

-Have I used the right water glass?

-What are those utensils at the top of my plate?

-Am I eating my neighbor’s bread?

-When is it okay to take my napkin off the table and place it on my lap?

Reading a place setting accurately during a business meal is important – you want to spend your time connecting with the other diners, not worrying whether you have used the correct bread plate.

Since place settings vary depending on which restaurant you visit, knowing some general guidelines can be helpful. Here are six suggestions, along with an illustration of a sample place setting:

1. Use the following memory tricks. They will help you remember the correct placement of the plates, glasses and utensils.

-Think of the “BMW” (Bread, Meal, Water). It will remind you that your bread-and-butter plate is on the left, and your water glass is on the right.

-Remember your “Left” and “Right.” Food is placed to the left of the dinner plate. The words food and left both have four letters; if the table is set properly, your bread or salad or any other food dish will be placed to the left of your dinner plate. Similarly, drinks are placed to the right of the dinner plate, and the words glass (or drink) and right contain five letters. Any glass or drink will be placed to the right of the dinner plate.

Left and Right also work for your utensils. Your fork (four letters) goes to the left; your knife and spoon (five letters each) go to the right.

2. Learn the utensils. Don’t be like the great dramatist Oscar Wilde, who said: “The world was my oyster, but I used the wrong fork.” The largest fork is generally the entrée fork. The salad fork is smaller, and depending where you are in the world, the salad may be served before the main course or after. The largest spoon is usually the soup spoon. If you are having a fish course, you may see the fish knife and fork as part of the place setting. The utensils above the plate are the dessert fork and spoon, although these may sometimes be placed on either side of the plate or brought in with the dessert.

3. Place your napkin on your lap when you sit down. The waiter sometimes does this for you. If there is an official host, wait until she puts her napkin on her lap, and then do the same. 

4. As a general rule, navigate your place setting from the outside in. Each course should have its own utensils. Additional information on place settings and dining can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.

5. Don’t panic if you use the wrong utensil. When the course arrives for which you need that utensil, just ask the waiter for another. If a dinner companion uses your utensil, quietly ask the server for another.

6. Do what your host does. If you don’t know what to do, copy what your host is doing. You may not be right, but you are not wrong.


Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette, business dining and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com

The 8 Deadly Sins of Executive Dining

A seasoned professional asked a vice president to lunch to pick his brain about his industry. She planned to change fields, and wanted his input. She also knew that at some point he might consider hiring her. What, she inquired, were some quick tips that would help her to make a good impression and stand out as a gracious host.

Lately I have been getting questions from high-level executives and business owners about dining with clients. Since the economy has been improving, they are entertaining their clients and potential clients more often, and want to feel comfortable in restaurants.

The purpose of a business meal is business. You are not there for the food, though you may need to eat. Here are 8 mistakes that executive diners should avoid:

1. Picking an inappropriate restaurant. Match the restaurant to the guest. Don’t take a very important client to a mediocre eatery. You want your guest to feel valued. Make sure the restaurant’s atmosphere is conducive to talking, with no TVs or loud music. Check in advance whether your guest has any dietary restrictions. If he or she does, review the menu ahead of time and make sure there are suitable entrees.  

 
2. Forgetting to make a reservation. You don’t want to be turned away, or have to wait in the lobby. Forge a relationship with a restaurant’s staff by becoming a regular. They will know you and your preferences, address you by name, give you a better table, and, in a pinch, find a table for you when the restaurant is booked. 
 
3. Not being in charge. As host, you need to take charge of the logistics of the meal. Direct your guest to the best seat. Recommend menu items. Make sure your guest’s order is taken first, and make a wine selection based on his or her preference. Don’t have the check come to the table; you can arrange payment with the restaurant beforehand. The woman who asked me for some tips did this, and reported that her guest was impressed.

4. Failing to keep the table balanced. If your guest orders an appetizer, so should you. The same is true for drink and dessert. If you don’t want alcohol, order a non-alcoholic drink. You don’t want to make your guest feel uncomfortable by eating a course alone.  And speaking of ordering, you should order what you know how to eat, what you like to eat, and what is easy to eat. This is not the time to experiment.

5. Using your utensils improperly. Many business diners are confused about the correct way to maneuver a fork and knife – American or Continental style. Either style is acceptable, but be consistent and correct in your usage. When eating in the American style, you cut your meat using both knife and fork, then place your knife at the top of the plate and switch the fork to the dominant hand to eat. When eating in the Continental style, you still cut your food with both knife and fork, but then you eat the meal without putting the knife down or switching the fork to the opposite hand.  (Additional information on utensils and dining can be found in my new book The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.) 

6. Taking your guest’s bread. To remember that your bread plate is to the left of your dinner plate, you can think of the BMW car. The “B” on the left stands for Bread, “M” in the middle stands for Meal, and “W” on the right stands for Water. However, if your guest takes your bread, don’t mention it.

 7. Not facilitating small talk. As the host, you need to make sure conversation flows. Do your homework. What topics are of interest to your guest, and what is important to him or her? Be prepared to ask questions and contribute to the conversation.  

 8. Drinking too much. Stay sober. You can easily say or do something you will regret if you have too much to drink.

 

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on numerous etiquette topics, including dining. Contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or Joyce@pachter.com for more information.