GREETING OTHERS IN A SOCIAL-DISTANCING WORLD

I taught people the correct way to shake hands in my etiquette classes for over 25 years.

Not anymore. 

In a world of coronavirus, our ways of interacting with others must change. The animated video of the burning matches by Spanish graphic designer Juan Delcan illustrates how social distancing – staying at least 6 feet away from everyone else – can help stop the spread of the Covid-19 virus.  

I love the handshake. It allows you to connect with and touch someone in a non-sexual way that establishes a bond and an element of trust. It promotes equality, too, as both men and women shake hands. But there is no touching in a social-distancing world.

Yet eliminating the handshake from our world does not mean it’s time to stop connecting. Today, relating to others is more important than ever, as many of us are working from home and feeling isolated from colleagues and friends.  

During this crisis, I encourage you to use other greetings. In my international etiquette class, I teach that there are four key greetings around the world. The two that involved touching clearly should not be used: the handshake, and hugs and kisses. The other two are the bow, and the namaste (hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, with a slight bow). Either of these can be used to acknowledge others if you are taking a walk for exercise, or video-chatting with colleagues or friends.

You could also wave. Acknowledging someone with a wave can go a long way in letting people know you are pleased to see them. Plus, it’s important to smile. I know that these are tough times, and right now it may not seem like there is a lot to smile about, but connecting with others is one way we will get through this crisis. (In Italy, residents gathered on their balconies to publicly praise and thank their medical caregivers, and then joined in singing popular songs that echoed from building to building across the city! It was such an uplifting sight, videos of it were shown around the world.)

I don’t know when social distancing will end. Soon, I hope. And when it does, I look forward to shaking your hand!

Additional information about greetings and your career can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill). 

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on business etiquette, presentation skills, professional presence and business writing. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at Joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141. 

 

An Etiquette Request: Remember to Give Your Name

I have an etiquette request: Please remember to introduce yourself by name after someone has introduced himself or herself to you.

This may seem like a little thing, but it’s important.

Let me explain. Before most of my seminars begin, I shake hands with each participant and say, “Hi, I’m Barbara Pachter, your instructor. Welcome, and enjoy the day.” Many people respond appropriately and will introduce themselves, also.

This kind of etiquette give-and-take paves the way for a connection between the two people, and makes it easier for conversation to begin.

However, there are some participants who don’t give their names. They just shake hands, or shake hands and say “Hi.” An awkward silence usually follows, and I will often jump in and politely ask, “And, you are…?”

When people don’t volunteer their names without prompting, they appear shy, timid or standoffish. As a result, making a connection or starting a conversation can be more difficult.

It’s not just in my seminars that people fail to give their names. People tell me the same thing happens to them when they attend meetings and introduce themselves to the men or women sitting next to them.

Why do people do this?

In my classes, I know that some people are startled when I introduce myself to them. They are not expecting the instructor to practice this protocol. One woman sent me a thank-you note, emphasizing how much she enjoyed meeting me before the seminar started. She hadn’t experienced this with other instructors.

Other people may not give their names because they are preoccupied, or because they simply don’t know they should do so.

Monitor your own behavior. Pay attention when people introduce themselves, and please respond with your full (first and last) name. You may be surprised at what a positive difference it makes in your interactions with others.

Additional information on greetings, introductions and conversation can be found in The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication skills. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.

The ‘Halo Effect’ – When Being Nice Has Benefits

I had the below conversation with my son after he had his car serviced.

“Mom, they did a great job on my car,” he told me.

I asked, “Why do you say that?”

His reply: “As I was leaving, we talked about new cars and the mechanic told me to have a safe trip home.”   

I thought to myself that my son knows very little about the inner workings of cars, yet because the mechanic was nice and friendly to him, he believed that he had done a good job on his vehicle.

He is not alone in how he judges the quality of someone’s work.

A colleague recently decided to go with one software vendor over another because, as she said, “He was so friendly.” I call this phenomenon the “halo effect” of being nice. 

One of my clients summed it up best when she said: The service you give people will affect their perception of the quality of your work.  (The term “halo effect” was first coined in 1920 by psychologist Edward Thorndike, who concluded that your impression of someone will influence your view of his or her abilities.)

But before you jump to any conclusions, I am not saying that the quality of your work doesn’t matter. It does.

Being nice and friendly will not make up for inferior work. What it will do is encourage people to view you and your work positively. People will enjoy working with you or for you if you are nice to them.  And that is an advantage in everyone’s line of work.

Here are five steps to follow so that others will react to you in a positive way: 

1. Greet people. This is one of my more common tips, yet people still tell me all the time that they feel ignored by others. People believe that they greet others, but I encourage you to monitor yourself over the next couple of weeks and really make sure that you do. You need to say “Hello,” “Hi,” “Good morning,” or offer a similar greeting to people you know and to people you don’t know. The person that you say “hello” to on the way to the meeting may be the person sitting next to you during the meeting, and you will have established minor rapport already.

2. Make some small talk. You don’t need to know people’s life stories, but a little small talk can help establish a connection between people. Use “safe” topics. You can talk about the weather (front-page stories such as hurricanes generally have more appeal), traffic, common experiences, travel, sports (if everyone is interested), entertainment (movies, plays), holiday celebrations, upbeat business news, vacations, current events (cautiously), and the activity you are attending. Additional information on small talk can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette.
  
3. Offer to help, when you can. Why not offer to help when you can? If someone (male or female) is struggling with packages or seems overloaded with assignments, assisting that person is a nice thing to do.

4. Speak well of others. You appear gracious when you speak of other people’s accomplishments, not just your own. 

5. Have an exit line. An exit line establishes the ending of the encounter and paves the way for the next meeting. Sample exit lines include, “Nice talking to you,” “Have a great weekend,” or “Have a safe trip home.”

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on communication, career development, business writing, presentation skills, professional presence, and etiquette. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141. (www.pachter.com)  

(This blog updates a previous one from a few years ago.)

Not for Men Only! The Etiquette of the Handshake

“When did women start shaking hands? It feels awkward.”

A very bright, talented, professional woman asked me that question. Initially, I was startled. Yet, as I thought about the question, I realized that many women in my seminars are reluctant to shake hands, and others do so incorrectly.

The topic is attracting attention beyond my seminars. The dos and don’ts of handshakes have been in the news lately, largely because of the widely publicized handshake between President Trump and French President Macron.

It seemed like a good time to revisit my blog on this important business greeting.

In today’s workplace, shaking hands is not for men only. Both men and women need to shake hands, and to do so correctly.

One woman told me she got her job because she shook hands at the beginning of the interview and again at the end. The manager told the woman that he chose her because she handled herself so professionally. Another woman realized that she had been the only one at her table who stood when she shook hands with her CEO.  As a result, she had a conversation with him; the other individuals did not.   

Why do women sometimes feel uncomfortable about shaking hands? The reasons vary:

1. Some women were never taught to shake hands. It is not that these women were told not to do so, it is that they were not taught to do so. One woman in an etiquette class was shocked when she realized that she was not teaching her four-year-old daughter to shake hands, but she had already started teaching her two-year-old son to shake hands.

2. Women bring the personal greeting of kissing friends on the cheek into the workplace. This can be awkward, since you will not want to kiss or hug everyone you meet at work, nor will everyone be comfortable with that greeting.

3. Many women were taught that they did not need to stand when shaking hands. Before each of my seminars, I walk around the room to introduce myself to my participants and extend my hand in a greeting. Approximately 70 to 75 percent of men, but only 30 to 35 percent of women, stand to shake my hand. You establish your presence when you stand. Both men and women should stand when shaking hands.

You will be judged by your handshake. Be honest: What do you think if someone gives you a limp handshake? Yes, you tend to think of that person as weak and unimpressive.

To shake hands properly:
•    Extend your hand with the thumb up. 

•    Touch thumb joint to thumb joint with the person you are greeting. Put your thumb down, and wrap your fingers around the palm of the other person. 

•    Make sure your grip is firm, but don’t break any bones – it’s not a competition. 

•    Don’t over-pump. Giving two to three pumps is enough. Face the person, and make eye contact.

And one more thing: It used to be that men needed to wait for a woman to extend her hand. Not anymore. Today’s guideline is to give the higher-ranking person a split second to extend his or her hand, and if he or she does not, you extend yours. The key is that the handshake needs to take place. 

Additional information on the handshake and greetings can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill). 

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on business etiquette, communication, business writing, presentation skills, and professional presence. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141. (www.pachter.com)

The Dining Error Continuum: What Type of Dining Errors Are You Making?

Do you find it stressful when you are required to attend a business meeting that includes dining? Are you concerned that your manners will cause you embarrassment in front of your boss, customer or potential employer?

You are not alone.

A participant became upset during a class I teach on dining etiquette, believing that he had made a faux pas. I had corrected the placement of his knife – the blade of his knife had been facing away from his plate instead of towards it. Before I could calm him down, another diner said, “Oh, don’t worry. It’s just a misdemeanor!”

I thought, “He’s right.” There is a continuum of severity with dining errors, from serious mistakes to minor ones. And when people understand that not every error has major consequences, it can help people relax a little when dining out for business.

A fatal flaw is a serious breach of dining etiquette that is easily noticed by others and can cause you to lose business, a relationship or a job offer. These mistakes include getting drunk before or during the meal, holding your fork like a pitchfork, or talking with your mouth full. One man I heard about lost a $30-million contract because he licked his knife during a meal with a potential client.

A minor gaffe is a less serious breach of dining etiquette that may or may not be noticed by others. If noticed, it is unlikely that it will be held against you unless you commit a number of minor gaffes during the meal. These gaffes include using your neighbor’s bread plate, putting on lipstick at the table, or eating soup by dipping your spoon into the bowl and moving it towards you instead of away from you.

Of course, what seems a minor gaffe to one person may be a fatal flaw to another. There are stories of a famous businessman – some say Henry Ford, others claim J.C. Penney – who decided not to hire someone because he salted his food before tasting it. Ford/Penney, so the story goes, thought this indicated that the man made assumptions without knowing all the facts.

You want to come across as a polished professional when you are dining for business. Learning as much as you can about dining etiquette makes you less likely to make fatal flaws, and more likely to navigate a business meal with success.

Additional information on dining can be found in my book The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on business dining, professional presence, etiquette and communication. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at  joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.

Avoiding Blunders: 5 Tips for Ordering Wine at a Business Meal

A colleague of mine just sent me a news story about a man who ordered what he thought was a $37.50 bottle of wine, but, unfortunately for him, the cost of the wine was $3,750.  Big difference!

A few days later, that story was included in an article on MarketWatch, a website for business and finance news, about five wine-related blunders that turned out to be very costly. Here are some guidelines for ordering wine so you don’t end up on that list: 

1. Learn about wine. You will make a better choice, whether as host or guest, if you know something about the product. There are many books and websites with lots of information about wine. You can take a class at an adult-education school or wine store.  Visits to wineries also can be helpful. The general guideline is that white wine is served with fish and poultry and red wine with meat, but there are numerous exceptions.

2. If you are the host, you are in charge of the wine selection. As mentioned above, knowing a little about wine will make your decision easier. You can ask the wine steward, or sommelier, to recommend some wines. Most of them are very knowledgeable and will be happy to pair your food choices with wine. Just make sure you are clear about the price!

Participating in the wine-tasting process is also part of the host’s responsibility. The wine steward will present the bottle’s label for your review and then pour a small amount of wine into your glass. You should taste the wine and (usually) nod approval. Send wine back only if it is spoiled. Do not send the wine back because you do not like the taste. (The five wine-tasting steps are explained through my acronym LaCEST™, and can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.)

3. Check the wine list ahead of time. Many restaurants post their wine lists on their websites. Pick a few bottles and research those. Though not all restaurants have prices on their website wine list, your research will give you a general idea of the price range for a wine. Keep in mind, however, that restaurants mark up the price.

4. Know your budget. Have a general idea about what you want to spend before you go to the restaurant. There are many good, reasonably priced wines to be found. Look for wine that you have enjoyed before.  And remember that the most expensive bottle on the list is not always the best.  If you are celebrating a big occasion, or your guest loves a certain wine, you may choose to increase your budget.  You can give the sommelier your price range by pointing at a price – not a wine – and saying something like, “I was looking for something like this.”

5. Be cautious if you defer to your guest. He or she may order a bottle outside of your budget. Some salespeople have reported that when they have deferred to their guests, those guests sometimes ordered very expensive bottles of wine. But that’s not always a bad thing. One director told me, “My client just gave me two million dollars’ worth of business, so he can order whatever he likes!”

Regardless of the wine chosen, or whether you are the host or the guest, do not drink too much. You need to stay sober. It is easy to blunder when your faculties are impaired by alcohol. 

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and dining. For additional information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce @pachter.com

Don’t Take Your Neighbor’s Bread and Other Dining Suggestions

Is it okay to hit on the waitress during a business meal?

Lately, I have taught many dining-etiquette seminars to business professionals and university students around the country. The above question from a young man at a fraternity dinner brought a smile to my face. It is one of many questions that my participants have asked about how to handle themselves at a business meal – though this one was a little more unusual than most.

The answer to the young man’s question was a pleasant, “No... The dinner is a business activity.” He smiled back and said, “I thought you would say that!”

Generally, the questions participants asked were more involved, with many requiring an understanding of the correct placement of dishes and utensils. They included:  

-Have I used the right water glass?

-What are those utensils at the top of my plate?

-Am I eating my neighbor’s bread?

-When is it okay to take my napkin off the table and place it on my lap?

Reading a place setting accurately during a business meal is important – you want to spend your time connecting with the other diners, not worrying whether you have used the correct bread plate.

Since place settings vary depending on which restaurant you visit, knowing some general guidelines can be helpful. Here are six suggestions, along with an illustration of a sample place setting:

1. Use the following memory tricks. They will help you remember the correct placement of the plates, glasses and utensils.

-Think of the “BMW” (Bread, Meal, Water). It will remind you that your bread-and-butter plate is on the left, and your water glass is on the right.

-Remember your “Left” and “Right.” Food is placed to the left of the dinner plate. The words food and left both have four letters; if the table is set properly, your bread or salad or any other food dish will be placed to the left of your dinner plate. Similarly, drinks are placed to the right of the dinner plate, and the words glass (or drink) and right contain five letters. Any glass or drink will be placed to the right of the dinner plate.

Left and Right also work for your utensils. Your fork (four letters) goes to the left; your knife and spoon (five letters each) go to the right.

2. Learn the utensils. Don’t be like the great dramatist Oscar Wilde, who said: “The world was my oyster, but I used the wrong fork.” The largest fork is generally the entrée fork. The salad fork is smaller, and depending where you are in the world, the salad may be served before the main course or after. The largest spoon is usually the soup spoon. If you are having a fish course, you may see the fish knife and fork as part of the place setting. The utensils above the plate are the dessert fork and spoon, although these may sometimes be placed on either side of the plate or brought in with the dessert.

3. Place your napkin on your lap when you sit down. The waiter sometimes does this for you. If there is an official host, wait until she puts her napkin on her lap, and then do the same. 

4. As a general rule, navigate your place setting from the outside in. Each course should have its own utensils. Additional information on place settings and dining can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.

5. Don’t panic if you use the wrong utensil. When the course arrives for which you need that utensil, just ask the waiter for another. If a dinner companion uses your utensil, quietly ask the server for another.

6. Do what your host does. If you don’t know what to do, copy what your host is doing. You may not be right, but you are not wrong.


Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette, business dining and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com

The ‘Halo Effect’ – When Being Nice Has Benefits

I recently had this conversation with my son after he had his car serviced.

“Mom, they did a great job on my car,” he told me.

I asked, “Why do you say that?” 

His reply: “As I was leaving, we talked about new cars and the mechanic told me to have a safe trip home.”    

I thought to myself that my son knows very little about the inner workings of cars, yet because the mechanic was nice and friendly to him, he believed that he had done a good job on his vehicle. 

He is not alone in how he judges the quality of someone’s work. 

A colleague recently decided to go with one software vendor over another because, as she said, “He was so friendly.”  

I call this phenomenon the “halo effect” of being nice.  One of my clients summed it up best when she said: The service you give people will affect their perception of the quality of your work.  (The term “halo effect” was first coined in 1920 by psychologist Edward Thorndike, who concluded that your impression of someone will influence your view of his or her abilities.)

But before you jump to any conclusions, I am not saying that the quality of your work doesn’t matter. It does. Being nice and friendly will not make up for inferior work. What it will do is encourage people to view you and your work positively. People will enjoy working with you or for you if you are nice to them.  And that is an advantage in everyone’s line of work. 

Here are four steps to follow so that others will react to you in a positive way:

1. Greet people. This is one of my more common tips, yet people still tell me all the time that they feel ignored by others. People believe that they greet others, but I encourage you to monitor yourself over the next couple of weeks and really make sure that you do. You need to say “Hello,” “Hi,” “Good morning,” or offer a similar greeting to people you know and to people you don’t know. The person that you say “hello” to on the way to the meeting may be the person sitting next to you during the meeting, and you will have established minor rapport already.  

2. Make some small talk. You don’t need to know people’s life stories, but a little small talk can help establish a connection between people. Use “safe” topics. You can talk about the weather (front-page stories such as hurricanes generally have more appeal), traffic, common experiences, travel, sports (if everyone is interested), entertainment (movies, plays), holiday celebrations, upbeat business news, vacations, current events (cautiously), and the activity you are attending. Additional information on small talk can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette.

3. Offer to help, when you can. Why not offer to help when you can? If someone (male or female) is struggling with packages or seems overloaded with assignments, assisting that person is a nice thing to do. 

4. Have an exit line. An exit line establishes the ending of the encounter and paves the way for the next meeting. Sample exit lines include, “Nice talking to you,” “Have a great weekend,” or “Have a safe trip home.” I recently went to the doctor for a minor concern, and he had a great exit line that I have added to my list of favorites. As he was ending our visit, he added, “If it happens again, I’m here for you.” I almost want it to happen again! (This isn’t suitable for every occasion, but it is a warmly affirming line for an appropriate encounter, such as addressing a colleague’s minor problem. )

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette, communication and career development. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com

9 Guidelines for Posting Your Photograph on Social Media Sites

I couldn't make out his face.
She looks completely different from her photo.
I couldn't believe she had sunglasses on her head!

The comments above were made about photographs accompanying profiles on LinkedIn. Unfortunately, many businesspeople post photographs of themselves on LinkedIn and other social media sites that detract from their professionalism.

I have written about this before, but it’s a message that bears repeating: Your professional image is conveyed through your photograph. It’s part of the first impression you make on others. You should post a photograph that is professionally appropriate, and makes you look like a credible, approachable person – not like someone who just came from the beach.

In another life, I was a professional photographer – the first woman photographer at what was then one of the largest ten newspapers in the country – so I offer the following as my recommended guidelines for photographs used in any professional context:

1. Post a headshot. This type of photograph highlights your head/face, but often shows your shoulders and part of your chest. People can see you clearly in this type of shot. Avoid posting an environmental portrait, one that places you in a setting that relates to your profession, as your face is usually a smaller part of such a photograph. These pictures are often used as additional photos on a website, and are not recommended for headshot postings.

2. Choose a photo that flatters you. Sounds obvious, but people don’t always pay attention to their choices. I am not suggesting you need a glamour shot, but you should look like a competent professional in the photograph.

3. Use a clear, uncluttered background that is well lit. There shouldn't be any dark shadows obscuring your face. People must be able to see you clearly.

4. Make sure your face is in focus. The background may be slightly out of focus, but your features need to be sharp, not blurred. Let people see your eyes. Wearing dark glass hides them.

5. Wear appropriate professional or business-casual attire. Appear as you usually would in a business situation. This may mean that you are freshly shaven, or wearing make-up and jewelry. Do not let your accessories (earrings, necklace, glasses) overpower your headshot. Additional information on business dress can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill).

6. Look at the camera and keep your head straight. Women have a tendency to tilt their heads. Why? I don’t know. But I do believe they look less self-assured when they do.

7. Have a pleasant facial expression. If you are frowning or scowling, why would I want to hire or work with you?

8. Look like your photograph. If your photo is more than 8 to 10 years old, people may be very surprised when they meet you. If you had long hair in your photo and now have short hair, people may not recognize you.

9. Hire a professional photographer. If all of this seems overwhelming, hire someone who takes photos for a living. It’s worth the investment.

It had been almost 10 years since my last corporate headshot was taken, so I decided to practice what I preach – I hired a professional photographer (Maria Martins of Unique Imagery) to take my new photograph. Let me know what you think.

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
 

It’s Not Rocket Science! 10 Ways to Connect and Engage With People

Lately, I have worked with a number of people with outstanding technical skills whose career growth has been limited by their inability to connect with others.  They were referred to me for coaching to provide them with the necessary skills to engage successfully with coworkers, bosses, and customers/clients.

People want to hire, work with, promote and do business with others whom they know and like. If you were not born with the “gift of gab,” and many people weren't, you can still learn the skills to connect with others. Here are 10 actions that will help you to be more approachable, and to engage more easily with others in your workplace.

 1. Put your phone away.  Yes, you read that correctly. Keep your phone off the table when meeting with someone. Having your phone visible tells the other person, “I am so ready to drop you and connect with someone else.” This also applies to the Bluetooth device in your ear, or what I like to refer to as “the cockroach in the ear.”  (Yes, I do have strong feelings about this!)

2. Don’t walk into a building or down a hall while talking on your phone. It is easy to ignore people when you are on the phone. You want to greet and acknowledge people. The person to whom you say “hello” on the way to the meeting may be the person sitting next to you during the meeting – and by acknowledging that person in the hall, you have established minor rapport.

For those of you thinking about using Google Glass in the workplace, remember that it can make people feel uncomfortable. I suggest you read a New York Times article, Google Offers a Guide to Not Being a ‘Creepy’ Google Glass Owner.  



3. Convey interest through your body language. Look at the person with whom you are interacting. Maintain a pleasant facial expression and nod occasionally when others are speaking. Additional information on verbal and nonverbal communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.

4. Call people. Don’t communicate via email and text exclusively. Calling people on the phone when appropriate creates a more personal connection. Also remember to sound pleasant and enthusiastic.

5. Avoid the “Are you there?” syndrome. If the other person on the phone with you doesn't occasionally use verbal reassurances (such as “Oh,” “I see,” “really,” “okay”), you may be tempted to believe that person isn't listening to you, and feel compelled to say, “Are you there?”  Verbal prompts also can be used when talking face-to-face, though less frequently, since your use of body language, as mentioned above, should also convey that you are listening.

6. Take notes with pen and paper. If you use a laptop to take notes, it draws your attention away from the other person. Plus, the raised back cover of the computer becomes a barrier between the two of you. An iPad or tablet can be less intrusive, and pen and paper still work well.

7. Prepare small talk. Knowing a little about topics that are important to your customers and colleagues will make it easier to make conversation. You don’t have to be an expert on every topic, but learn enough to allow you to participate.

8. Remember “The Blue Cord.” You want to use language that your colleagues/customers will understand. Using a big word that someone doesn't recognize when a simpler one is available can distance you from the other person. Some people understand what an “ethernet cord” is, for instance, but others need to be told, “It’s the blue cord.”  In my last newsletter, I discussed using the latter phrase to remind yourself to adjust your choice of words for your audience.

9. Mingle with the participants before a meeting or presentation begins. Many people just take a seat and don’t talk to anyone. Be proactive. Go up to people, greet them, shake hands and make conversation.

10. Be social, the old-fashioned way. Go to lunch with people. It’s an opportunity to get to know someone outside of the business environment. Get involved in company activities. You will meet more people, and, depending on the activity—such as a company food drive--possibly help others.

These are not the only ways to connect, but they are important ones. As you go through your day, remind yourself of the value of connecting. Soon these actions will become second nature to you.

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication, business etiquette and professional image.  For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.

The Survival of Business Cards: 6 Tips to Update Them in a Social Media World

Sometimes, the more things change, the more they really do stay the same.

In a recent Boston Globe story headlined Among Tech Crowd, the Paper Business Card Endures, reporter Callum Borchers discusses, in what may be a surprise to some, that business cards haven’t been replaced by technology. He writes: “Of the many things swept away in the outgoing tide of an increasingly digitized economy, the lowly business card has been an odd and unlikely survivor.”

Business cards have always served as a shorthand way to tell people what you do, and provide information for them to contact you. They still do that, easily and efficiently. But because social media has changed the way we connect with our customers, clients, colleagues and prospective employers, your card may need to be updated.

When I gave my revised card to a potential client, she commented that since my Facebook business page (www.facebook.com/pachtertraining) was on the card, it would be easy for her to review the site.

You will have to decide how much to include on your card, and how to do so without overloading it. To help you make that decision, ask yourself these 6 questions:

1.   Have I included the necessary information? Think about the majority of your potential clients and customers, and include the information they will need. Usually this means your name, your title, company name/logo, address, phone number, and email and web addresses.

2.   What can I eliminate? Is the information on the card easy to read? Make sure your card is visually appealing. Can you eliminate your fax number? Do you need both your business and cell phone numbers? If you have a lot to include, use the back for the less-essential information.

3.   Which social media addresses do I use for business? Include the social media addresses that help you stay in contact with your customers, clients, etc. If adding all your links overwhelms the card, place them on the back. When you hand your card to someone, you can point this out by saying, “If you want to connect with me by social media, my addresses are on the back.”

4.   Should I include a quick response (QR) code? These are bar codes that can be scanned by Smartphones to provide a link to your websites, LinkedIn profile, or other pertinent material. If you find using a QR code useful in your field, it usually is best placed on the back of the card.

5.  Is a photograph necessary? Most corporate cards do not include photographs, but you may want to include a photograph if you use your card for marketing purposes. If you do so, make sure to use a photograph that looks like you now, and not some unrecognizable version of a younger you. Speakers will often have photographs of themselves on their cards. Information on giving out your cards can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.

6.   Will an unusual card be helpful? If you use an out-of-the ordinary card—one with an uncommon shape or design—make sure it is appropriate for your field or industry.

One last thing: Always carry your cards with you. You never know when you may encounter someone to whom you want to give your updated card.

Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.

Top 10 Business Clothing Mistakes

I am often asked about what professionals should wear to work. The questions – from bosses, employees and even reporters – focus on how employees should dress in today’s casual workplace, indicating that years after the “rules” were relaxed, many are still confused.

The key point I always stress, whether I am discussing a young man getting ready to interview for his first job or a senior director courting a new client, is that your clothing choices can enhance your reputation or detract from your credibility.

I also frequently mention the items from my list of Top 10 Business Clothing Mistakes. The list is based on what I have seen in the workplace as well as suggestions from my seminar participants, and features what to avoid:

1. Dressing in clothes that do not fit. If your clothes are too big, you look like a little kid in your big brother’s or sister’s clothing. If your clothing is too tight, you could be over-emphasizing body parts. When in doubt, both men and women should take their clothes to a tailor for a professional fitting.

2. Wearing skirts that are too short. Short skirts draw attention to your legs. If you sit down when wearing a short skirt, you expose even more leg. Is that where you want people to look? Plus, you can find yourself labeled with a trivializing nickname: A woman named Susan wore very short skirts and her coworkers referred to her as “Suzy Short Skirt.”

3. Wearing short socks. Short socks, or socks that fall down, expose skin and hairy legs on men when they sit and/or cross their legs. It is distracting and not an attractive look.

4. Showing cleavage. Sexy is not a corporate look. Low-cut tops that expose cleavage draw attention to this body part and are not appropriate in the office. People tell me that they don’t know where to look when conversing with women dressed this way.

5. Wearing a bikini when at a pool with business associates. Whether you are going on an award cruise or attending the company picnic, it’s not the time to expose everything! This applies to both men and women.

6. Drawing attention to your clothing because of your color choices. Do you want to be remembered for what you said or for what you wore? I am NOT saying don’t wear color – just choose color carefully. A man asked my opinion of the bright green pants he wore. I replied that since his slacks were not typical corporate clothing, he would probably be labeled as “the man in green pants.”

7. Wearing T-shirts, shirts or ties with inappropriate sayings, pictures or childish designs. A job candidate wore a shirt printed with small teddy bears to an interview. He didn’t get the job. Following the interview, all the interviewers talked about was his shirt.

8. Ignoring your shoes. People notice shoes. Your shoes should be clean, polished, and in good condition. This shows that you are paying attention to the details.

9. Dressing inappropriately for business social events. The company holiday party, conferences, or dinner at the boss’s house are still business events, and your clothing choices matter.

10. Ignoring your grooming. Clothes need to be clean and pressed. Do not have chipped nail polish or nose hairs that need to be clipped. They become distractions.

Additional career information on dress can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill).

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on business etiquette and communication. Contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or Joyce@pachter.com for more information.

Do You Have a Problem with ‘No Problem’?

Should I respond with “You’re welcome” or “No problem” when someone thanks me?

A number of participants in both my etiquette and my business writing seminars have asked this question, or a similar version.

I usually respond by explaining that although we do work in a relatively informal business environment, and although our language is constantly evolving, the responses “You’re welcome” and “No problem” are not interchangeable. They mean different things.

“You’re welcome” is the shortened form for “You are welcome to it” – meaning, you are welcome to my help, my gift, my advice and the like.

People want you to take their expressions of appreciation seriously. If someone says, “Thanks for the birthday gift,” or “Thank you for all your hard work; it really helped us out,” the appropriate response is “You’re welcome.” You are acknowledging the other person’s thanks in a polite way.

“No problem” is the shortened form for “That is not a problem for me,” and it can sound glib if offered as a response to “Thank you.”

If a colleague emails you that the location for your meeting has been changed, your response may be “No problem.” You are acknowledging that what someone said or did in a particular situation is not causing difficulty for you.

People do have strong opinions on this topic.

During the research for this blog, I came across an article by Bill Flanagan, a contributor to the television show Sunday Morning. He expressed his frustration that young people will say “No problem” in response to almost any situation. He used the example of his employee who, when repeatedly confronted about arriving late to work, would respond, “No problem.” Yet the young man continued to arrive late and was eventually let go.

So, is this all-purpose use of “No problem” a generational difference? Time will tell – remember what we said above about language constantly evolving. Some online sites, including a couple of informal dictionary sites, seem to disregard the differences in nuance and interpretation between the two responses. But in the business world, clarity and good manners should always override the use of imprecise slang expressions.

The bottom line is this: Whether you say “You’re welcome” or “No problem,” you have to say something. Not responding or saying “Uh-huh” when someone thanks you is not okay!


Additional information on word choices can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill) Reserve your copy now at Amazon.

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The Evolution of Business Etiquette as Seen through Barbara Pachter’s Books

My tenth book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success(McGraw-Hill, August 2013), reached book stores this week. It covers topics that I couldn’t have imagined discussing 18 years ago, when my first book about business etiquette was published.

Relax for a moment and come down memory lane with me as I review the evolution of business etiquette through a sampling of my books:

• 1995. Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook was one of the first books written on business etiquette. In this book, I discuss business letters and paper memos extensively. There is no discussion of emails, gender etiquette, or telecommuting, and only a small section on car phones and business-casual dress.

• 2001. The first edition of my book When the Little Things Count…and They Always Count introduces email guidelines for the workplace. There is a small section entitled “Smart Cellular Telephone Use.” Telecommuting and gender etiquette are mentioned for the first time, as they had become areas of interest.

• 2004. The Jerk with the Cell Phone does not discuss Smartphones or texting, as neither was in common use at the time. I do remind people not to use their phones in the bathroom. (I still have to do that today!)

• 2006. New Rules@Work discusses blogs for the first time, though my blog didn’t start until 2009. For most of us, social media was still in the future.

• 2013. The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success provides an in-depth look at business etiquette today, including a comprehensive discussion of social media, use of Smartphones, texting, and blogging. Plus, the book provides no-nonsense advice on how to establish rapport and make connections, project professionalism, speak and write with confidence, avoid business-meal blunders, even how to make killer presentations!

How things have changed since 1995! What will be the next area of etiquette that needs addressing? Let me know what you think.

You can review a sample chapter of The Essentials of Business Etiquette here. And order your copy here.

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on business etiquette and communication. Contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com for more information.