Nice Offer… But I Wasn’t Looking for a New Job

I have blogged often about how to conduct a job search. Lately, however, I have been asked an interesting related question: If you receive an unsolicited job offer when you are not in an active search, how do you decide whether to accept the new position?

Consider these individuals and what I call their “good problems”:

• One young woman who works for a large financial company was asked to return to a similar position in her previous department, but with more responsibility.
• A sales consultant was asked to relocate to a similar position in a larger division of his company.
• An account executive was approached by a former colleague to join her new company.

All three of these business professionals were happy in their current positions, and had planned to stay in them for the foreseeable future. It is flattering to receive a job offer, but before you make the often-difficult decision on whether to accept a new position, you need to consider the following:

1. Who will be your boss? Do you know/trust/respect this person? Does this person have your best interests at heart? Do you want to work for this person?

2. What kind of work will you be doing? Are you interested in doing this particular job? Will you gain new skills or valuable experience? Will this position help you achieve your career goals? Consider your answers carefully as you decide.

3. Will there be a significant salary increase? Salary isn’t the only consideration, but it can be an important one. Does the salary justify the risk of leaving your current position? Also, if the potential new job involves leaving a company, your current employer may offer to match the new salary. Would this affect your decision?

4. Are there others you can consult? Don’t go overboard, but check with a few trusted advisors and mentors. It’s your decision, but they may provide valuable insights.

5. Will there be any negative ramifications? Will you be burning bridges? Will your current boss hold your departure against you? If so, will this matter?

If you decline the new offer, you don’t need to tell anyone. If you decide to leave your current position, tell those who need to know (boss, coworkers, customers, etc) as soon as necessary.

Years ago I was in a similar position as the above account executive. It was a difficult decision for me, but I chose to move to the new company because I would be working for a brilliant, experienced woman. Over twenty years later, she is still an important mentor in my life. Clearly, leaving my old position was the right decision for me.

Additional career information can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill).

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on business etiquette, career development and communication. Contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or Joyce@pachter.com for more information.

Do You Have a Problem with ‘No Problem’?

Should I respond with “You’re welcome” or “No problem” when someone thanks me?

A number of participants in both my etiquette and my business writing seminars have asked this question, or a similar version.

I usually respond by explaining that although we do work in a relatively informal business environment, and although our language is constantly evolving, the responses “You’re welcome” and “No problem” are not interchangeable. They mean different things.

“You’re welcome” is the shortened form for “You are welcome to it” – meaning, you are welcome to my help, my gift, my advice and the like.

People want you to take their expressions of appreciation seriously. If someone says, “Thanks for the birthday gift,” or “Thank you for all your hard work; it really helped us out,” the appropriate response is “You’re welcome.” You are acknowledging the other person’s thanks in a polite way.

“No problem” is the shortened form for “That is not a problem for me,” and it can sound glib if offered as a response to “Thank you.”

If a colleague emails you that the location for your meeting has been changed, your response may be “No problem.” You are acknowledging that what someone said or did in a particular situation is not causing difficulty for you.

People do have strong opinions on this topic.

During the research for this blog, I came across an article by Bill Flanagan, a contributor to the television show Sunday Morning. He expressed his frustration that young people will say “No problem” in response to almost any situation. He used the example of his employee who, when repeatedly confronted about arriving late to work, would respond, “No problem.” Yet the young man continued to arrive late and was eventually let go.

So, is this all-purpose use of “No problem” a generational difference? Time will tell – remember what we said above about language constantly evolving. Some online sites, including a couple of informal dictionary sites, seem to disregard the differences in nuance and interpretation between the two responses. But in the business world, clarity and good manners should always override the use of imprecise slang expressions.

The bottom line is this: Whether you say “You’re welcome” or “No problem,” you have to say something. Not responding or saying “Uh-huh” when someone thanks you is not okay!


Additional information on word choices can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill) Reserve your copy now at Amazon.

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The Evolution of Business Etiquette as Seen through Barbara Pachter’s Books

My tenth book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success(McGraw-Hill, August 2013), reached book stores this week. It covers topics that I couldn’t have imagined discussing 18 years ago, when my first book about business etiquette was published.

Relax for a moment and come down memory lane with me as I review the evolution of business etiquette through a sampling of my books:

• 1995. Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook was one of the first books written on business etiquette. In this book, I discuss business letters and paper memos extensively. There is no discussion of emails, gender etiquette, or telecommuting, and only a small section on car phones and business-casual dress.

• 2001. The first edition of my book When the Little Things Count…and They Always Count introduces email guidelines for the workplace. There is a small section entitled “Smart Cellular Telephone Use.” Telecommuting and gender etiquette are mentioned for the first time, as they had become areas of interest.

• 2004. The Jerk with the Cell Phone does not discuss Smartphones or texting, as neither was in common use at the time. I do remind people not to use their phones in the bathroom. (I still have to do that today!)

• 2006. New Rules@Work discusses blogs for the first time, though my blog didn’t start until 2009. For most of us, social media was still in the future.

• 2013. The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success provides an in-depth look at business etiquette today, including a comprehensive discussion of social media, use of Smartphones, texting, and blogging. Plus, the book provides no-nonsense advice on how to establish rapport and make connections, project professionalism, speak and write with confidence, avoid business-meal blunders, even how to make killer presentations!

How things have changed since 1995! What will be the next area of etiquette that needs addressing? Let me know what you think.

You can review a sample chapter of The Essentials of Business Etiquette here. And order your copy here.

Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on business etiquette and communication. Contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com for more information.

Do You Project Confidence When Seated?

Consider the posture of these participants in several of my recent seminars:

• The woman who did not raise the seat of her chair and, as a result, sat significantly lower
than the individuals on either side of her. It looked like her older siblings had brought her to
the meeting.

• The manager who crossed her arms and perched her reading glasses on the tip of her
nose. She gave the appearance of looking down at others in the meeting.

• The boss who leaned way back in his chair and seemed to be sleeping. His employees
thought he wasn’t interested in their input.

Your posture when you are seated at a meeting sends a message about you. You want that message to be professional. Here are some suggestions for ensuring that your seated posture conveys confidence – whether you are one of 20 sitting around a large table, or meeting one-on-one with your boss.

1. Stay still. Don’t swivel in your chair or tap your foot. Such actions become a distraction to others, and can give them the impression that you are nervous. Also, don’t lean back and balance on just two legs of the chair. Not only does this convey the impression that you are uninterested or bored, it is potentially dangerous. If the chair tipped over, causing you to fall, you would certainly look foolish, and you might even be injured.

2. Adjust seat levels. You want to be on the same level as the other members of the group. If this means your feet don’t touch the ground, raise the chair seat as high as you comfortably can, or rest your feet on something, such as a large dictionary or a short stool. My office manager, Joyce Hoff, is 4-feet-11 and I am 5-feet-8. We always adjust our chairs when we confer at the same table.

3. Don’t slump or look sloppy. Sit up tall, and leave a little space between your lower back and the back of the chair. Of course, you may lean back slightly in your chair at times. Avoid folding your hands on the table (you are not in school), or crossing your arms (you appear defensive). Spread out, but don’t encroach on someone else’s space. In her recent book, Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg referenced a posture study in the professional journal Psychological Science:
--“When people assumed a high-power pose (for example, taking up space by spreading their limbs) for just two minutes, their dominance hormone levels (testosterone) went up and their stress hormone levels (cortisol) went down. As a result, they felt more powerful and in charge and showed a greater tolerance for risk. A simple change in posture led to a significant change in attitude.”

4. Pay attention to your lower half. Depending on the type of table at which you are seated, your legs may be visible to others. Keep both feet on the floor, although you may cross your ankles. Try not to cross your legs – it’s bad for your circulation, among other things. (More information on crossing your legs can be found in Chapter 23 – “If Crossing Your Legs Turns Women into Ladies, What Does It Do to Matt Lauer?” – in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.)

Also pay attention to your clothing. One man wore black slacks, black shoes and white socks, which everyone noticed when he crossed one knee over the other. And be aware that if you are wearing a short skirt, it will hike up and expose a lot of your legs when you are seated.

5. Make sure you take a seat at the table. Do not sit on one of those chairs that are often arranged against the wall. You want to be part of the discussion, not an observer.

My tenth book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill, August 2, 2013), provides more information on presenting yourself professionally in the workplace. Order your copy now. 

 

Tips for Young Women in the Workforce

There has been a lot of buzz lately about women in the workplace, caused to a large degree by Sheryl Sandberg’s recent book Lean In, which encourages women to “lean in” to their ambitions and to speak up so their voices are heard.

After conducting hundreds of women’s seminars and coaching numerous female executives, I believe that a lot of women could benefit from “leaning in.” Many of the career-limiting factors that I began speaking about in seminars more than 20 years ago are still evident today, in a new generation of young women. Consider the following:

• A newly appointed vice president who said that she had never thought about becoming a CEO until her mentor told her, “You could be running this place in a few years.”

• An unmarried college student who decided not to become a physician (her career choice for many years) because she wanted to “have a life.” She hoped to marry and have children, and decided that she couldn’t have a successful family life and a career as a physician.

• The young woman who became all-but-invisible in her office because she rarely voiced her opinion, and when she did say something, she spoke so softly that no one heard her.

• The (formerly) successful businesswoman who said, “My husband does very well. I don’t have to work.” Yet she was bored at home and missed the challenges she had encountered at work.

Though these examples touch on very different scenarios, they highlight how women can restrict themselves and/or their careers through their own actions. Before women can take control of their lives and their careers, they have to recognize what they are doing to handicap themselves.

In addition to Leaning In, there are numerous books, such as Breaking Into the Boys’ Club by Molly D. Shepard, that can help women advance in the workplace. Here are my suggestions:

1. Don’t set limits on yourself. Be open to opportunities. Aim high. More and more women are advancing in the workplace. You can be one of them. The vice president cited above noted that once her mentor expressed the possibility of her advancement, she began thinking that she could become the CEO of her company.

2. Don’t limit your options based on an unknown future. No one knows what the future will hold. There will always be obstacles, regardless of your choices. If you are smart enough to advance, you will be smart enough to find solutions. I know a number of career women, including physicians, who successfully balance having children and a career.

3. Appreciate history. Learn about the struggles of women in the past. Had it not been for the efforts of women before you, many of the opportunities that you have today wouldn’t exist. Oprah Winfrey said, “I have crossed over on the backs of Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman and Fannie Lou Hamer and Madam C.J. Walker. Because of them I can now live the dream. I am the seed of the free, and I know it. I intend to bear great fruit.” I believe that I wouldn’t have been hired by the Philadelphia Bulletin in the late 1970s as that newspaper’s first female photojournalist (my first profession) had it not been for the women of the New York Times who fought for parity in the newsroom. Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Nan Robertson wrote about the lawsuit in her book, The Girls in the Balcony.

4. Learn from others. Have role models and mentors. What have they done that you can incorporate into your career? A woman in one of my seminars had four young sons, worked full time, and still found the time to earn her MBA. To help her manage family and career, she had a to-do list that included weekly family meetings to discuss the upcoming week’s activities.

5. Pick the father of your children wisely. Once you have children, life gets more complicated. You will want someone who is a partner in every sense, someone who supports you and your career.

6. Present yourself assertively. Learn what you are doing, verbally and nonverbally, that could be detracting from your power. Speak up and let people know your opinions. Ask for what you want. There are numerous classes and books available that can teach you to present yourself assertively, including my free Special Report: 5 “Power” Essentials Every Working Woman Needs To Know, and my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation.

There is not one perfect career path for everyone, but you want to be in control of your career. Explore your options and think about what you really want. Why not go for it? You may be surprised at how successful you will be!

More tips can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill).

To connect with Barbara Pachter on Facebook, LIKE us at: www.facebook.com/pachtertraining

Pachter & Associates provides women’s seminars and coaching. For additional information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com

Don't let a Microphone Distract From Your Presentation

I have been asked to moderate a panel, and there's a chance I'll be holding a microphone. I'm a little nervous that my hand will shake. Do you have any suggestions?

A woman I had coached on presentation skills recently emailed this question to me.

She raised an important issue. How do you use a microphone so that it amplifies your voice but doesn’t become a distraction? You don’t want your listeners to pay more attention to the microphone than to what you are saying.

Here are some suggestions for handling a microphone successfully:

1. Arrive early at the meeting room and practice using the microphone. Make sure the volume is set at an appropriate level.

2. Consider your alternatives:
--If you are using a hand-held mike, do not gesture with that hand. When you are listening to a question, or to other speakers, lower the hand in which you are holding the microphone.

--If you are part of a panel and seated at a table with other panelists, your microphone probably will be placed on a stand. Since you don't have to hold it, you will be less likely to play with it.

--If you are given a lavalier mike, it will be clipped to your clothing so you don't have to hold anything. Remember to turn off this lapel mike when you are not presenting. I will never forget the time I forgot to do so, and went to the bathroom with my mike on!

--If you are standing behind a podium that has a microphone mounted on it, you won't have to hold the mike. However, this is not an ideal place for a speaker to stand. You want to be able to walk around. If you can, use a lavalier mike.

3. Remember that the more you worry about something, such as the possibility that your hand might shake while you are holding the microphone, the more you are likely to pay unnecessary attention to it. Chances are people won't even notice the microphone unless you draw attention to it. Your audience wants to hear what you have to say. If you speak clearly and with confidence, you will have their attention.

More presentation tips can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill). Reserve your copy now at Amazon.

To connect with Barbara Pachter on Facebook, LIKE us at: www.facebook.com/pachtertraining

Pachter & Associates provides presentation-skills training and coaching. For additional information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com

The Etiquette Of The Handshake – It’s Not For Men Only

“When did women start shaking hands? It feels awkward.”

Recently, a very bright, talented, professional woman asked me that question. Initially, I was startled. Yet, as I thought about the question, I realized that many women in my seminars are reluctant to shake hands, and others do so incorrectly.

In today’s workplace, shaking hands is not for men only. The handshake is the business greeting, and both men and women need to shake hands, and to do so correctly.

One woman said she got her job because she shook hands at the beginning of the interview and at the end. The manager told the woman that he chose her because she handled herself so professionally.

Why do women sometimes feel uncomfortable about shaking hands? The reasons vary:

1. Some women were never taught to shake hands. It is not that these women were told not to do so, it is that they were not taught to do so. One woman in an etiquette class was shocked when she realized that she was not teaching her four-year-old daughter to shake hands, but she had already started teaching her two-year-old son to shake hands.

2. Women bring the personal greeting of kissing friends on the cheek into the workplace. This can be awkward, since you will not want to kiss or hug everyone you meet at work, nor will everyone be comfortable with that greeting.

3. Many women were taught that they did not need to stand when shaking hands. Before each of my seminars, I walk around the room to introduce myself to my participants and extend my hand in a greeting. Approximately 70 to 75 percent of men, but only 30 to 35 percent of women, stand to shake my hand. You establish your presence when you stand. Both men and women need to stand when shaking hands.

You will be judged by your handshake. Be honest: What do you think if someone gives you a limp handshake? Yes, you tend to think of that person as weak and unimpressive.

To shake hands properly, you should extend your hand with the thumb up. Touch thumb joint to thumb joint. Put your thumb down, and wrap your fingers around the palm of the other person. Your grip should be firm, but don’t break any bones – it’s not a competition. Two to three pumps is enough. Face the person, and make eye contact.

And one more thing: It used to be that men needed to wait for the woman to extend her hand. Not anymore. The new guideline is to give the higher-ranking person a split second to extend his or her hand, and if he or she does not, you extend yours. The key is that the handshake needs to take place.

Additional information on the handshake and greetings can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill). Reserve your copy now at Amazon.

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